Sunday, October 22, 2006

Behold...The BATMAN CREATURE!!

"STOP SHOOTING! THAT CREATURE IS...BATMAN!"
Listen to Robin! Believe it or not, that creature is Batman! "The Batman Creature" is the lead story in Batman #162. It's a sixteen page story, but most of it is unbelievably boring, until the BATMAN CREATURE makes his fantastic debut. Regular Batman is too hung up on being all dark and mysterious. You'd never catch him chowing down on a big basketful of fruit in the middle of the sidewalk. The Batman Creature, however, is ID unleashed, wildly uprooting trees and climbing buildings with a refreshing lack of moral compass. In short, Batman has to play by the rules, but Batman Creature is free to run BUCK WILD, baby!
AAARRROOOO!!! indeed, my friend. AAARRROOOOO!!! indeed.

The story starts off with A bunch of tedious, non-Batman Creature stuff. There's this mad scientist guy, Emil Borroc, and he's invented a machine that somehow transforms animals into ferocious beast men, and he's using them to rob banks:


That's a wacky out-of-context panel for ya, right there. Batman and Robin foil a bank robbery by two of the beast men, and for page after page, Batman and Robin fight the beasts and follow one back to Borroc's lair. There, he battles Borroc who scrambles to his transformation ray and finally, finally turns Batman into the eerie BATMAN CREATURE:

The Batman Creature goes wild, rampaging through a neighborhood before heading into Gotham. Once in the city, he wastes no time invoking the hoariest cliche in the book: the King Kong pastiche. If I had a buck for every cartoon, comic, TV show, or movie I've seen pull that hokey routine, I could retire a happy man.

"HEY! THE BATMAN CREATURE ISN'T ATTACKING BATWOMAN! HER TEARS SEEM TO HAVE MADE HIM DOCILE..."
So of course, beauty, in the form of Batwoman, has to tame the beast. Batwoman calms the big lug down and he enjoys several refreshing baskets of fruit. The only problem with this is that while all that fruit's going into the Batman Creature, it'll be coming out of Bruce Wayne later...!



Soon... Perhaps the most mind-bending assemblage Gotham has ever seen:


Finally, they end up back at Cockeye McCrazyteeth's lab in what may be the greatest page in comics history. How can you top the Batman Creature locked in mortal combat with Tiger AND Rhino - in a DUEL to the DEATH? Only by having the Batman Creature bludgeon the the tiger to death WITH THE RHINO!!!

Finally, Robin makes the biggest mistake of his career: Changing the baffling BATMAN CREATURE back to stupid, dull old regular Batman. The whole thing went downhill after that, and Batman hasn't recovered since, in my opinion. Really, if you can't see that "The Batman Creature" is the seminal version of the Batman legend, then I don't know what to tell you.

P.S.
Due to the reality changing events of Infinite Crisis, I choose to believe that this story happened in actual Batman continuity.


ATTENTION RHINOS: Batman Creature will JACK YOU UP.

1 comment:

ShadowWing Tronix said...

Just how big of a hair net does Batwoman need?

I think the Bat-creature on that Brave and the Bold team-up with Bronze Tiger a couple weeks ago actually looked better. But there's always Man-Bat.