Thursday, December 07, 2006

100th Post Super Spectacular! Starring MODOK, Doctor Mayavale, and...YOU!!

Welcome, dear Again With the Comics reader. You are in the ballroom of an elegant New York hotel. You’ve been flown out on an all-expenses 3-day trip to attend the Again With the Comics 100th Post Super Spectacular! You look around the lobby and see many familiar faces: there are some Mindless Ones, there’s the Batman Creature…there’s Ravage 2099, there’s crazy old Hal Jordan, and hey! There’s the Silver Age, googly-fingered Beetle! He’s your favorite!

Better get on the elevator! The show’s about to start! The 100th post at Again With the Comics is about to go live on the 20th floor. This is the most elegant hotel you’ve ever been in, with a huge, gilded elevator. You’re the first one in, followed by none other than MODOK himself. He’s huge, and he alone takes up most of the elevator.

MODOK: What are YOU staring at, Fool ?!? (THUNDERS) Make way for the undisputed MASTER of MENTALITY!! Make way for MODOK!!!

YOU: (cringe, wet self.)

MODOK: AAAWWW! Nasty!! What the Hell? I was just givin’ you the business! Now it’s going to smell like pee in here!

You notice that the elevator door hasn’t closed yet. It’s being held open by four green hands, connected to long, ropy lime-green arms. While MODOK blocks most of your view, you can see the top of a frizzy, snow-white Afro. Doctor Mayavale is trying to squeeze onto the MODOK-stuffed elevator.

Doctor Mayavale: Unhand that lad/young woman, you Karmic disaster!

MODOK: Mayavale! Long time, no see, you crazy motherf####r!

The door closes. You press the “20” button and the elevator begins it’s ascent. Minutes ago, the cab seemed so spacious, so lavish. Now it’s a coffin, almost taken up entirely with the giant, pulsating, gin-sweat dampened cranium of the Mental Organism Designed Only for Killing. Also apparently a Mental Organism Designed for Drinking Lots and Not So Much Showering. The tiny remaining space on either side is taken up with You on one side and Doctor Mayavale on the other.

Doctor Mayavale: So, what have you heard about this 100th Post Gala, my friends? As many lives as I’ve lived….as many roads as I have traveled…

MODOK: Yeah, shut up, okay? I’ve got the worst headache. A head my size, you can’t imagine. I could NOT miss this though. I heard that there’s gonna be a "Greatest DC Super Gorillas vs. Best Marvel Silver Age Supervillains" feature, followed by a flyover by the Blue Angels!

Doctor Mayavale: Indeed, my old friend. I heard the 100th post would present an in-depth analysis of “The Weirdo Wedding of Jimmy Olsen” from Jimmy Olsen#100 followed by a retrospective of the many Armors of Iron Man.

YOU: I heard…


The elevator shudders to a halt. For a moment, all is quiet.


Doctor Mayavale: My friend! Calm yourself... the elevator appears to have broken down!

MODOK: Cram it, hippie! Don’t you hear all the LAUGHTER and APPLAUSE? The 100th Post! It’s beginning…! MOVE, stupid elevator!

Doctor Mayavale: My dear friend, I am simply suggesting that if we are to be stuck on this elevator, perhaps we can share our own reflections of the last six months and 99 posts of Again With the Comics…Indeed, six months is an eternity in a cosmic space monastery and…

MODOK: Sounds like a clip show to me. And six months? Is that what passes for an achievement these days? Why not “commemorate” K-Fed while we’re at it?

Doctor Mayavale: You must strive for inner peace, my good sir! Only thus can you learn the mystery within! Um… Anyway, I’ll start: Remember all the times Again With the Comics has discussed Marvel’s Civil War?

SFX: (harp glissando)

Spider-Man Speculation

New Avengers #21 Reaction

Spider-Man: Widower?

SFX: (harp glissando)

MODOK: Yes, and what about the time I shared my most intimate erotic fantasies with our readers?

SFX: (harp glissando)

The Sensual MODOK!

SFX: (harp glissando)

Doctor Mayavale: Sweet Robot Vishnu! All my experiences and all my lives have never prepared me for that! My dear, dear old friend…you wrong me again as you have so many times in the past!! I have never seen anything that has filled me with such existential revulsion! Wait! There was that one other time…

SFX: (harp glissando)

The Existential Horror of Lana Lang: Insect Queen

SFX: (harp glissando)

MODOK: What about the time Again With the Comics showed us what Venom is going to look like in Spider-Man 3? What a scoop!

SFX: (harp glissando)

SFX: (harp glissando)

Doctor Mayavale: Truly, a fine moment! Of course, this year has had it’s share of tragedies as well, such as the death of Stilt-Man!

SFX: (harp glissando)

SFX: (harp glissando)

MODOK: (moans) I hear fireworks! I’m sure those are fireworks! (waving his stubby little arms frantically) I want out! Hey!! Remember that time the microbrain Hughes got all worked up about a movie that’s probably never going to happen? Or his obsession with the freakin’ BEETLE of all things!

SFX: (harp glissando)

Doom Patrol Movie?

The Beetle!

SFX: (harp glissando)

Doctor Mayavale: Or his obsession with a certain other third-rate Marvel punching bag!

SFX: (harp glissando)

MODOK’s 11

Ultimate MODOK?

MODOK Meets Archie

SFX: (harp glissando)

MODOK: YOU SON OF A BITCH!! I’ll kill you!!!

MODOK blasts Mayavale with a mind bolt, but Mayavale prattles on. You realize then that you’ll never leave this elevator. These two maniacs will kill each other and you with them. The big party is over and you missed the whole thing. The big 100th post was nothing more than a glorified clip show. You’re wet, terrified, and smelly, and you’re about to die, as the tortured elevator cable finally snaps.

Thanks for reading Again With the Comics, you poor doomed bastard!


Spencer Carnage said...

Ha! That was awesome! Congratulations on being a better blogger than most.

Brian Hughes said...

Spenser: Thanks - and thanks for the plug over at your site! More updates, please.

Everyone Else: I actually just gave it a light edit, for clarity and gender neutrality. Wouldn't want the ladies to feel left out!

Mike Haseloff said...

The M in MODOK must stand for Milestone.

Just enjoying browsing through your site, and was amused that MODOK was involved in the 100th post.

The MODOK issue was just the 100th feature on Secret Earths!

Great site, cheers!