Thursday, January 18, 2007

Number None With a Bullet

I got Gunmaster and Bullet the Gun Boy #88* as a Christmas present from pal Mike, and all I have to say is: Dude, what the hell did I ever do to you?

The cover tells you everything you could possibly want to know about Gunmaster, a.k.a. Clay Boone. Why, you even get full schematics of all his weapons, so if you ever meet Gunmaster, you’ll know how to jack his shit up. This comic also tried to incorporate some of that late ‘60’s “relevance” that caused even Western and War comics to suddenly develop a social conscience, so Gunmaster is a quiet, peaceful gun seller who hates violence. Kind of like being an atheist priest or a vegan butcher. Except for when he's dressed in his fabulous white silk Gunmaster which point he will go BUCK WILD on your ass, and possibly shoot you in the groin:

Ha Ha! I joke with you! No, this comic is far, far too dull for any groin-shooting. In “The Crossbow War”, Clay and his young…companion…come riding into a small western town to peddle some guns and hate some violence. The local top crook, Snakehead, has the whole town under his thumb, but Clay has a peaceful solution:

Get it? TELLUB…BULLET the Gun Boy? See, his last name spelled backwards is “Bullet”, and…you’ve gotta love that silver-age subtlety. Anyway, they go to Clay’s wagon to find ALL THE GUNS MISSING. Snakehead totally ripped him off while no one was looking! Smooth move, Gun-Lax. Undaunted, Clay teaches the townsfolk how to make crossbows and other jerry-rigged weapons, so when Snakehead returns he’s met by nonlethal resistance (Except for Gunmaster, who’s shooting everybody.) Finally, Snakehead is down, but:

So the big star of Gunmaster’s story ends up being…the hardware man from town. I hate you, Gunmaster! There was a second story in this issue, but it was even stupider and more boring than this one, so I refuse to discuss it.

*That's #88 by Charlton Comics numbering, which means absolutely nothing. Charlton's issue numbering was notoriously random and insane. This was actually one of eight “Gunmaster” comics published by Charlton, numbered 1, 4, 34, 15.5, Q, -62, 88, and “PANTS” respectively.


Accursed Interloper said...

First thing wrong with that cover was "Hey what happened to the Lone Ranger's red neckercheif and why's he wearing Dick Tracy's shoulder holster and who's that white kid filling in for Tonto?" Okay, the first three things, out of, like, thirty. Ug. Thanks very little for bringing this to our attention.

Brian Hughes said...

That's what I'm here for. (WEEPS)