Er, back to my tale: Lana was so beautiful, and her hair smelled so pretty that I kind of got us lost and didn’t even notice the storm clouds rolling in. Before you know it, we were caught in a downpour. That’s when beautiful Lana turned into the Insect Queen:
I was pretty freaked out, to be honest. A sight like that might have been enough to turn me off girls right then and there, but human sexual orientation was about to become a non-issue, in the worst possible way! Wouldn't you know it, right after Lana mentions that she doesn't think she can turn into an ant lion twice:
How convenient! So this little pink creep has been following Lana around "to check on you"! I'll bet he's "checking" on her! Little peeping tom bastard! Oh, Lana, can't you see how badly they treat you? Why won't you love me?
(Choke...) Anyway, Lana turns into a cicada-girl, and chases the natives away, but not before I catch an arrow in the lungs. Doctor Lang couldn't be bothered to take me into the city: "Hmm... the jungle bio-lab of my friend, Dr. Pelham is only a few miles that way!" I'll never forget those words. Did I mention I was never paid for any of this? DAMN YOU DADDY!
Once in Doctor Pelham's "hospital", he wasted no time testing his crackpot bee theories on me:
I flew off, and Lana came after me, trying to tell me how great it is to be a freak. Easy for her to say! She tried to cheer me up by showing how we could do the old "sober up the drunk" trick with our insect powers:
But nothing helped. I'll admit it, I fell for Lana hard. What do you want from me? I mistook her pity for love, and I got carried away:
Then, something wonderful happened - Lana lost her memory and came to live with me in my giant honeycomb! It was a beautiful dream come true, or as beautiful as a dream involving freakish insect-human hybrids can be:
So, Superboy obviously came back later, cured me, and I’m now living happily ever after, right? WRONG. There was no antidote, I had no hope. Superboy never came back. Some big hero! Lana never came back either - I tried giving her a "buzz" on the phone, but she never returned my calls.
ZZZZZZ!!! Those sons of bitches at DC won't return my calls these days, either. I mean, if I'm not going to be cured, can I at least get some work? DC's bringing back everyone else these days, so why not me? I keep trying to tell them, I'm ripe for a comeback in these emotionally conflicted times! I can be dark and troubled! I was "emo" long before that was even a word! It juzzzzt makezzzz me ZZZZZZOOOOOO MAD...BBBZZZZZZZZZ!!!...Easy, Kim, easy.
You're a BOY, not a bee...
You're a BOY, not a bee...
You're a BOY, not a bee.
Anyway, as you can see, I'm the victim here. Can't you find it in your heart to care about the fate of a little emo bee boy? I exhort you, Again With the Comics readers: Send your postcards and letters to DC COMICS, demanding my return!