Okay, if you thought Again With the Comics was insipid before, get set for a whole new low: tonight the object of scorn will be played by a children's coloring book. As the father of a five-year old, I see lots of toys, storybooks, clothing, coloring books, and other kid's merchandise emblazoned with Spider-Man, Batman, and other Marvel and DC characters. I hate to say it, but Marvel's licensed product is almost always a notch or five below DC's in terms of quality, durability and the artwork used. The worst of the worst Marvel products show up in dollar stores, where these Spider-Man toys probably ended up, and where we got this coloring book.
That said? this thing is fat-packed with insanity. About half of the 200 pages looks like it was drunkenly traced from comic book panels, with badly-drawn, over muscled Spidey, his villains, and activities. With so many pages to fill, the rest gets kinda weird.
I guess you have to give the coloring book hacker-outer some credit for creativity. He could have stuck in some more pictures of Spider-Man jumping around, but he opted instead to include pictures of people wearing various items of Spider-Man apparel, like this happy fellow:
Others, like this young lady, look suspiciously like they had their genesis in a Sears catalog:
I love this page. It is my favorite, on account of its sheer lunacy:
I mean...what the Hell is that?!? Hydro-Man looks altogether too happy to be getting a personalized photo of Aunt May. And...and who's giving him the photo? Is Aunt May targeted for death...or sweet, sweet hydro-lovin'? I am confused and frightened.
A few other pages are devoted to a series of mundane everyday items...with a Spider-Man on it! Like the lone arcade game...with a Spider-Man on it! A teddy bear sitting at the base of a tree...with a Spider-Man on it! And what child doesn't want to color a hand reaching for a key chain...with a Spider-Man on it!?
See, now they're just rippin' off other coloring books. Look out Life on the Farm Coloring Fun...you've just been Spidey-fied!
There are several pages of regular bystander types being frightened by Spider-Man and/or spiders, including this one that may explain J. Jonah Jameson's aversion to Spider-Man:
Strange and mystifying stuff. Further proof, if any were needed, that entrusting your child's education to a Dollar Store Spider-Man Coloring Book is not a good idea.