Monday, August 27, 2007

Richie Rich is a Creepy Little Bastard

Troubled teens from broken homes are known to act out in violent and destructive ways, but the disturbed offspring of the mega rich and ultra famous operate at whole different levels of crazy. Paris Hilton and her ilk are only the tip of the iceberg. Little spoken of, seldom seen are the megamanialoaded teen set of Beverly hills, the poster boy for whom is Richie Rich, the deeply, deeply disturbed Poor Little Rich Boy.



Unlike typical Billionaire offspring, Richie Rich doesn't run around drunk driving and exposing his genitals, instead, he luxuriates in his obscene wealth in frightening, obsessive fashion. Here, for example, we see Richie engaging in "cutting" behavior in his own unique way:

Seemingly defiant of the very laws of physics and nature themselves, Richie's dollar designs are actually the result of hours upon hours of obsessive hand trimming. And when Cadbury was finally, finally done, Richie would pose with the lawnmower, as the exhausted butler propped himself up in the background. Alarmingly self-absorbed, Richie pours countless billions of his family's wealth into customizing everyday objects into Solid Gold Custom Dollar Sign versions of those same everyday objects:





His fetishistic, controlling behavior usually frightens away the few children who can be bribed to play with this most spoiled of rich brats:



Still, in his craven, shallow way he needs friends, cultivating only the poorest of the poor, relishing their pop-eyed gawping as they behold the vast, vast mounds of cash he "accidentally" leaves lying around:



His money mania even extends to his spiritual life, and his pagan worship of the evil money-god Mammon is well known to the Skull and Bones set:



Finally, at day's end, the richest boy in the world unwinds by watching all of his friends via carefully placed surveillance equipment. No expense is spared in this ultimate violation:




Truly, Richie Rich is a creepy, creepy little bastard.





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6 comments:

Chawunky said...

Judging from the next-to-last cover, we can shortly expect Richie to teleport a telepathic squid into downtown New York.

coco67 said...

Don’t forget his later years, when he gets Daddy to buy him the Texas Rangers, the Governorship of Texas, and the White House! Verily he is the creepiest!

Maxo said...

"Poor little rich boy," my butt.

The Mutt said...

Gloria was my first comics crush.

Anonymous said...

I JUST SPIT MY COFFEE OUT!

Raghunath said...

This is the funniest thing I hav read in a long time!