Alan was quite sure that Noddy, of Jay’s Three Dimwits, was some sort of pervert or fruit.
The heavy, leaden pipe fitter’s wrench came down again.
THWOK - schtk!
This time, it came back wet with fresh blood. A small triangular piece of a man’s scalp, holding exactly seven black hairs was now dangling obscenely from the lower jaw of the tool.
Hearing the noise, Green Lantern turned from the three tough con-men he’d been fighting. In horror, he shouts: “Doiby! For God’s sake, STOP man! Can’t you see he’s had enough?”
Doiby Dickles: “Chee, Lantrin’, I guess I just got carried away. When I saw they was swindlin’ them old folks outta their war bonds, well, I just sawr red, I guess I did!
...Say! Youse ain’t one o’ them bleedin' hearts, is ya?”
Green Lantern: "Doiby, I called you here to congratulate you and welcome you to the ranks of the Green Lantern Society. We have a Green Lantern from Mars, Venus, Pluto, and all the rest of the planets. Now with you, Earth has two Green Lanterns! We're going to have a big induction ceremony and an honorary feast for you in our Green Lantern Palace on the Moon! That is, if you want the job...?"
Doiby: (Blubbering) Ch-chee...Chee, mistah Lantrin' I ain't got de woids fer this... Yeah, I'll do it! I'll be Doiby Dickles: Green Lantrin' fer ya, from now on, pal!
...Can I brings me wrench?"
Green Lantern: (Sadly) "Of course you can, Doiby, Of course you can."
It had been the greatest day of Doiby's meager life, that final day. First the Green Lantern and Doiby fought some crooks, just like old times. Lantrin' didn't even say nothin' when Doiby cracked that kraut a good one with ol' wrenchy. Then it was off to the Moon for Doiby’s induction into the Green Lantern Society as Earth Green Lantrin' #2. During the Emerald Express train ride to the Moon, Green Lantrin' was real quiet, but Doiby was so excited he hardly noticed. A towering emerald city awaited them, a city that surprisingly looked like Doiby’s beloved Brooklyn, in its strange, futuristic way. It felt like home: warm, inviting, and so, so green. The other Green Lanterns were clapping him on the back now, welcoming him. If it struck his dim brain that something was wrong he took no action, and then they entered the banquet hall, where a lavish feast was being held in his honor, and all suspicions evaporated in hunger. As he ate the finest foods, and celebrated a new life, his joy was only marred by the cold. It was suddenly, rapidly getting cold. So cold. Couldn't they notice?, he thought.
So cold..that, and the bright, bright green light…brighter...
So bright cant breathe
On the surface of the moon, Green Lantern buried his friend and comedy relief. The tombstone is still up there, and it reads:
Insane Simpleton With A Wrench