Friday, January 18, 2008

Ask Golden Age Wonder Woman

Advice on love, life, and relationships by Dr. Golden Age Wonder Woman, Ph.d

Dear Golden Age Wonder Woman-

I’ve known my best friend since second grade, but things have been strained between us ever since I got married. Carol has remained single, and I can hardly speak to her anymore without hearing mean remarks about marriage or my husband! She seems jealous and resentful of my marriage, and angry that she’s still single. Recently, she told me that she saw my husband at a bar kissing another woman, and has demanded that I confront him about it. I don’t believe her, but she says that if I don’t talk to him about it, she’ll break off our friendship! What should I do?

-Conflicted in Cleveland

Dear Golden Age Wonder Woman-

I am very concerned about my granddaughter. She recently turned thirteen, and the sweet little girl I knew has turned into a foul-mouthed tramp. I know she smokes, and I have heard her swearing on the phone. She also dresses in trashy, revealing outfits and will probably be pregnant before her next birthday, the way things are going! I have tried to talk to her mother about this, but she told me that she trusts her daughter like a friend! Honestly, have you ever heard such a thing? I’m beside myself with worry – please help, Golden Age Wonder Woman!

-Grandma in Des Moines

Dear Golden Age Wonder Woman-

I have met the girl of my dreams, but there is one problem: she doesn’t want to get married. She’s worried that if she marries me, she won’t get alimony any more, and I say she doesn’t need it if she’s married to me. I don’t make much money, but I’m going to school at night, and I think we can do just fine. Who’s right?

-Frustrated in Mesa, AZ

Dear Golden Age Wonder Woman-

I’ve been working at my current job for over five years, but I cannot seem to make any impression at my office. I routinely bring in high sales and get good feedback, but I keep seeing newer, less experienced people promoted past me. I’m quiet and reliable, but I’m not a “self-promoter” or a showoff. What can I do to get noticed?

-‘Ol Reliable in Milwaukee

Dear Golden Age Wonder Woman-

My wife spends way too much money! We are knee deep in debt, and I’m working two jobs, but every chance she gets, it’s off to the mall for more shoes! I think she’s a spendaholic, but she doesn’t see a problem. Help!

-Wits End, Boulder, CO

Golden Age Wonder Woman is a Doctor of Philosophy, professional advice columnist, and Super-Heroine of note. Her column, "Ask Golden Age Wonder Woman" is syndicated in over 350 newspapers nationwide.


Mark Engblom said...

LOL! Great idea!

Jonathan S. said...

One of your best posts...ever! Good work, my friend.

mordicai said...

Oh, WW.

theorris said...

Simply brilliant.

Shocho said...

Staggering in its honest revelations about the truth behind Paradise Island. With some great advice too! Thanks much. My life has been enriched.

JohnH said...

Ripped from the headlines! (of The Onion, that is)

Brian Hughes said...

The Onion is great, but they didn't invent advice columns or advice column parodies. Ref. Mad, National Lampoon, etc.

Dead Tree Studios said...


TPapi said...

Very nice! Has anyone done their dissertation on bondage in Wonder Woman? Clearly there is plenty to mine there.

Nancy got into the act too.

B. Durbin said...

The psychologist who designed Wonder Woman thought that female bondage play was healthy, so he put a lot of it in.

niks_uncle said...

I found this track on myspace and it's so obviously inspired by the 70s Wonder Woman TV show theme tune that I wondered if it's going to be the theme to either the animated movie or some other project?

It's by Denise Pearson, who fronted 80s super-group Five Star.

Check it out here

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tomztoyz said...

This blog post'simages caused strange stirrings in my bat-belt.

ha ha!

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Mirck said...

God that's funny! What a great idea for a coffee table book!