Tuesday, December 09, 2008

Making the World Safe for Zombiocracy

Hello! I'm going to tell you about this dream of mine! It is only a dream, of course, but I have it a lot, night after night, the same dream, and maybe you'll find it interesting, too!

I first heard about this wonderful, awful, wonderful story years ago, so when I finally found a copy of "Corpses...Coast to Coast!" online at Golden Age Comics Downloads, why, I just had to share. Originally presented in Voodoo #14 1952, the author and artist of this creepy cornball classic are long forgotten. Perhaps, like the narrator, they were...ZOMBIES!!

Oh, crap-that spoils the ending. Pretend you didn't read that.

Anyway, this goofy/ghoulish tale posits an unconventional path to world peace, an improbable union of the undead of all nations under the banner of ... the United World Zombies!


Here's a tip for neophyte comic readers: when someone says "Oh, I'm not crazy -heh heh- not at all!", the "heh heh" part means they are crazy.

...Like this creepy, pervert lookin' muthafukka here? He crazy, dawg.

Man, if I had a buck for every time my boss said "Don't do anything, you fat-head, just pile the bodies up and wait for orders!" I would be a very very rich man indeed.

You know, in most cities, you have to pay big money to ball the jack.
Also, it's nice to see Dick Cheney finds work after he leaves office...

At this point in the program, I should probably mention there will be none of that evisceration, disembowelment, and brain-eating you modern zombie fans are so fond of. These are old-timey, mindlessly obedient worker zombies, whose nutritional needs will receive no story attention whatsoever.
That's right, the zombie apocalypse was complete, but it wasn't all peaches and cream....

At this point, the writer obviously ran out of things to say about zombies and not-so-deftly slipped into a war parable. Suddenly, the zombies "can be just as stupid as so-called people!" and the Zombie United States is at war with the Zombie Soviet Union.

And thus, after the horrors of war was born a Zombiocracy. Now we have peace! No more fight! All is big brotherhood of zombies!

Pretty creepy, huh pals? I don't blame you if you soiled yourself out of fear, but I am laughing at you.


Anonymous said...

Man, it's all downhill after you start running out of zombie power!

Grebo said...

"the zombie apocalypse was complete, but it wasn't all peaches and cream...."


That was friggin' bizarre and hilarious. Where in the world did you find this???

P.S. - Omigod didn't Secret Invasion just totally blow?

Avocet said...

Speaking of zombies:


Brian Hughes said...

I've been gorging myself on free golden age downloads (all public domain, mind!) over at http://goldenagecomics.co.uk/

Secret Invasion was so-so.

historyman68 said...

Don't forget - in France they said "Vive le Zombie!" despite the obvious oxymoron.