Thursday, November 05, 2009

Newspaper Comic Strip Spider-Man is the Worst Spider-Man of All.



Of all the different versions of Spider-Man available, surely Newspaper Comic Strip Spider-Man is the worst. I mean, I love Stan Lee, and I'm glad his brother is getting work, I guess, but man this thing is a dog. I'm not the first person to notice this, but the Peter Parker we see in the newspaper is a more annoying prick than regular Spidey by far. For one thing, he spends entire story arcs trying to defraud his employers while tricking ex-cons back into crime:



Newspaper Comic Strip Spider-Man is pretty dull-witted. He's constantly blundering into situations where he compromises his secret identity, usually because he's distracted by his own internal whining and fretting about how awful it would be if anyone ever found out he was Spider-Man!



His Spider-sense doesn't seem to work too good either. Note that it works great when it looks like someone might suspect his precious secret identity:



But not so much when it comes to pipes, bricks, tigers, and, oh, being pistol-whipped! When it comes to blunt head trauma, Hal Jordan has nothing on Newspaper Comic Strip Spider-Man.








But don't worry about Newspaper Comic Strip Spider-Man. He'll get his rest, the lazy bastard. He spends as much time sleeping, or falling asleep, or having entire months-long dream sequences as he does fighting super-villains:




On those occasions he does haul his ass out of bed, you'd think it would be all web-swinging action, right? Not so fast, kid. Newspaper Comic Strip Spider-Man is just as likely to hang around in his striped jammies all day:



You suck, Newspaper Comic Strip Spider-Man.


16 comments:

Erik said...

Between the reprints in Comic Shop News and the Comics Curmudgeon's insightful commentary, I've become quite a fan of this god-awful strip. One More Day haters should be forced to read this crap for six months, and realize how good they've got it.

MrColinP said...

This strip is awesome.

"You ever try to handcuff SAND?"

I rest my case.

Menshevik said...

Truly I have seen the light! Clearly a tendency to sleep in late or get bopped on the head is worse than making a deal with Mephisto and not being perfect about protecting one's secret ID is much, much worse than allowing oneself to be talked into unmasking on live TV and then becoming party to mind-raping the entire population (including e.g. Aunt May and Felicia Hardy) to "rectify" that idiotic mistake and reestablish one's secret. Why didn't I notice this earlier?

Scratchie said...

I don't want to say that this strip is slow-moving, but did you notice that Comic Shop News only has to print every other strip to give you a complete story?

Tomas Silverio said...

Comic strips in general suck, especially the "serious" ones. It's too short of a space to give you enough of a story and they're so simplistic that it seems they were written for 8 year olds (like comics of old).

Thad said...

I just laughed quite a bit at those, which is more than I can usually say for the Spidey series -- though I must admit it's gotten better of late and I've actually started picking up an occasional issue. #600 was the best Spider-Man comic I've seen in ages.

On the other hand...they're going back to the Clone Saga. I am absolutely baffled that people are now feeling NOSTALGIA for that garbage.

Brian Hughes said...

The Amazing Spider-Man comic has been very good to outstanding lately, depending on the writer and/or my interest in the story arc.

Anonymous said...

"One More Day haters should be forced to read this crap for six months, and realize how good they've got it."

I did. I also read OMD and much of BND's first year. The comic strip looked better in comparison.

Erik said...

@ Menshevik: MJ made the deal with Mephisto. And also, Relax.

demoncat said...

seeing these strips makes one more day look like a good thing. for hate to say it but the strip needs to be retired. for comic strip spider man shows the character would make a nice way to torcher comic fans have them read a strip

TomO. said...

Kudo's to you for actually being able to make it through these things.

I tried to do it on a recent issue of Comic Shop News and was bored to tears by the third strip.

Maybe I'm just not a big enough Spider-Man fan, as I could probably read a Superman strip like this all day long.

MarkAndrew said...

"Truly I have seen the light! Clearly a tendency to sleep in late or get bopped on the head is worse than making a deal with Mephisto and not being perfect about protecting one's secret ID is much, much worse than allowing oneself to be talked into unmasking on live TV and then becoming party to mind-raping the entire population (including e.g. Aunt May and Felicia Hardy) to "rectify" that idiotic mistake and reestablish one's secret. Why didn't I notice this earlier?"

Tee-Hee. I like that this guy makes the incredibly trivial crap that I care about seem sensible and important by comparison.

Also, Worth Noting: The Tom Spurgeon/Jordan Raphael biography of Stan says that the strip is ghost-written. So Lee's not so much getting WORK as getting a paycheck.

J. Jonah Jabberjaw said...

Not 100% on this, but I'm thinking it was Kyle Baker who came up with the platonic Spider-Man strip:

Panel One: "No, Spider-Man! Don't go behind that door!"

Panel Two: "No matter what happens-- I MUST go behind that door!"

Panel Three: A closeup of Spider-Man's hand, on the doorknob.
Caption: TOMORROW: BEHIND THE DOOR!

hobbyfan said...

I prefer the strip to the current books, largely because of Joe Quesada's lame-assed decision to do "One More/Brand New Day", stripping away over 20 years of history, and in all probability alienating a ton of old school fans. Crazy shiznit from a guy who couldn't keep a deadline if his life depended on it when drawing Daredevil......

Anonymous said...

I like the strip. Maybe it's because Parker is older and the human and relationship aspect is stressed. It isn't written for teens with ADD, like the current Spider-mess is (with Slott).

Rookiebatman said...

Erik said...
"One More Day haters should be forced to read this crap for six months, and realize how good they've got it."

Challenge accepted!

I will read this every day for six months, and I'll bet at the end of it, I'll still think OMD/BND and Joe Quesada are completely ridiculous.