Wednesday, March 10, 2010

The Bearded Gentlemen's Club of Metropolis

The Bearded Gentlemen's Club of Metropolis: an exclusive, non-profit fraternal organization dedicated to the cultivation, appreciation, and promotion of the noble beard!

Also referred to as the Beard Band, the club first appeared in Superman's Pal: Jimmy Olsen #23. When cub reporter Jimmy tried to infiltrate the secretive society by attending a meeting with a fake beard, he was foiled at the door by a doorman who vetted would be attendees by tugging on their beards. Leaving, he was stopped by a stranger who offered him a vial of hair growth tonic, guaranteed to grow a beard instantly. Being Jimmy, he quaffed the formula without hesitation, and sure enough, grew a beard! He then gained entry to the secret hirsute world of the  Bearded Gentlemen's Club of Metropolis:

And so, tasked with evangelizing the mighty beard, Jimmy failed miserably, to no one's surprise. He attended one public event after another, and various crazy mishaps forced him to cut off his beard each time. When he returned, the Beard band was so enraged, they decided to implement "Operation Whiskers", a secret plot to dump beard tonic into the Metropolis water supply! Then, the Club reasoned, all men would be forced to love the beard, and mass beard appreciation would result. Unfortunately, that meddling Superman showed up before the dream could be realized.

But that would not be the end of this noble organization. Beaten but unbowed, they continued on, and were next seen in Doom Patrol # 45. 
After a stinging rebuke by the so-called "genius" Niles Caulder, the Beard Band decided to avenge their honor by enlisting another outsider to destroy the reclusive Doom Patrol leader. It is said that "the enemy of my enemy is my friend", and with this in mind, they enlisted Ernest Franklin, the so-called "Beard hunter" to eliminate Caulder:


While the wily Caulder managed to kill the Beard Hunter, the Bearded Gentlemen's Club of Metropolis can at least rest easy knowing that the beard-hunting psychopath won't be returning to hunt them. While we haven't seen them recently, I like to assume that the Bearded Gentlemen's Club of Metropolis is still alive and well and preaching the beard gospel to this day. 

Full disclosure: the author of this blog sports a dashing, regal beard!


Dan said...

Awesome! I remember the Doom Patrol story, but had no idea it was based on a Silver Age tale. Although given Morrison's involvement I guess I should have.

Mego Thor said...

"That's right, Jimmy! Unless you do as we say, you'll have to shave, EVERY DAY!"


C'mon, what could be so bad about a group that includes Santa Clause, Alan Moore and Abe Lincoln?

coco67 said...

It also includes Edward Teach, Charles Manson,and the mirror universe Spock.

Full disclosure: I am a proud member of said group,despite what Groucho said about joining groups.

Brian Hughes said...

Thanks, that reminded me to add my OWN full disclosure!

Mego Thor said...

Pics or it didn't happen!

Esteban138 said...

I look back on reading the Beard Hunter issue the first time the way my dad remembers the Moon Landing.