Tuesday, April 06, 2010

Hostess Villains I Want to See in the Actual Comics!

Some Hostess villains are too good to be consigned to snack cake ad limbo. They ought to be used in actual comics, and I think Marvel, at least, owns the rights to their Hostess characters. Only one has made it from the ads to the "real' Marvel Universe.

ICEMASTER showed up in the Crimson Cowl's Masters of Evil during the early issues of Thunderbolts. Kurt Busiek put a whole host of obscure villains on the Cowl's team, and made a contest of identifying the members. In order to make it tough, he added Icemaster from the above Fruit Pie ad, and thus, the frosty Human Torch foe became "official". If they can do it for him, they can do it for these other Hostess highlights:

Everyone loves hillbillies. A space-faring clan of buck-toothed hillbillies traveling the cosmos in a time-warping motor home was sheer genius, and pairing them off against Thor and the flowery-talking Asgardians was the perfect comedic match. In fact, I suspect this strip was the inspiration for Thor's current adventures in and above Oklahoma.The obvious next step? Bring in the Ding-a-Lings!

With hideous, blood sucking freaks more popular than ever, it's time for the Flea Market Eating Flea to return. I'm thinking that these people should be very grateful that this abomination is just eating their old paperbacks and auto parts, then Twinkies, rather than feasting on the flea's typical food source: rich warm blood!  Small consolation that the Hanta Virus would be a non-issue with this guy; a bite from a flea this big would be fatal, mitigating the risk of infection entirely in lieu of a gushing chest wound. That guy in the jaunty straw boater won't be so happy when he gets back to his stall and finds a slimy heap  of quivering flea  larvae laid in his back stock of velvet Jesus and Dogs-Playing-Poker wall hangings.

Phineas and Fat Freddy should have waited for Freewheelin' Franklin, but you know how it is with the munchies...

An evil lawyer trying to usurp Presidential power through legal trickery, Ralph G Fake could serve as a metaphor for oh so many current day issues. They could even do a story where he tries to delegitimize the sitting, duly-elected president with a bunch of crazy baseless lawsuits questioning his citizenship! Oh wait, we already have a wrinkly, crazy buzzard lady trying to do that for real. Never mind.

You know, I'm not sure a crime was even committed here. Is there a law against turning people into chairs?

I figure if Batman can have villains that are obsessed with jokes, birds, cats, duality, and riddles, then his across-town rival can have a villain that's obsessed with peaches. Fair is fair, after all.

There must have been something about the boringness of Captain Mar-Vell that inspired Hostess ad writers to give him the wackiest adversaries, because, well, look at his guy. A world that has room for MODOK, Arnim Zola, and Mojo can surely find a niche for a giant disembodied mouth with little bitty hands, no?


RAB said...

Nothing to argue with here, but how about a little love for the Hulk's foe the Plant Lady and her henchplants, Artie Choke and Rhoda Dendron?

eric said...

Actually the disembodied mouth has Starlin written all over it, at least 70's-still-interesting-Starlin. Didn't Adam Warlock face something like that?

Mego Thor said...

I'll admit that, as fleas go, that flea is pretty big, but the last two panels clearly show it's no bigger than a large dog. You can plainly see that jaunty-straw-hat guy (a forgotten villain himself?) is standing behind the pedastal the flea is perched on. I also like cowboy-hat guys complaint, "An overly-large flea is gonna eat us, but this guy's takin' my junk!" That guy would be at home in any computer role-playing game.

I wouldn't hold out hope on seeing the Mouth in any more comics, though, since he's now the Dairy Queen mascot.

Anonymous said...

The Human torch one looks like Frank Miller inked by Joe Rubinstein. The giant mouth Captain Marvel is definately Starlin, maybe inked by Milgrom.

RAB said...

Anonymous, I think you're exactly right about the Human Torch ad, but that Captain Marvel ad doesn't look like Starlin. I'd say Sal Buscema, possibly inked by Milgrom.

Brian Hughes said...

Yeah, that Human Torch ad is definitely Frank Miller. Ironic, considering I did that post about the Frank Miller Spider-Man Twinkies Ad. Nice catch, anon!

demoncat said...

most of those characters other then the ice master. are too one note plus think since they were created for the ads hostess owns the rights to them so marvel would have to ask or work out the okay for them to appear in comics

Anonymous said...

I may be wrong on the Starlin art- although panel five looks like the way he does heads on figures. Could be Milgrom pencils and inks?

Anonymous said...

And "Twinkie Takers" is Andru/ Esposito. I find it interesting that it breaks the rigid panel layout so common in in these ads.

Vin said...

"He's All Mouth" definitely features pencils by Our Pal Sal Buscema! He must have had a brownie at a Starlin party at one time or another..!