Again With the Comics

Legion of Subpar Villains: He Also Flops Like a Fish

2011-11-17T17:11:00.001-07:00

Look, Ive been at this long enough that I'm not going to start taking shots at Aquaman this late in the game. I mean, The guy is one of DC's longest enduring characters, he rules over roughly 70% of the Earth's surface, and yes, he definitely does quite a bit more than just "talk to fish".

On the other hand, he does tend to spend a lot of time bobbing around with a dumbfounded look. on his face.

That said, Aquaman has a real chum-bucket of a rogue's gallery, and waaaay down at the bottom of that barrel you'll find The Human Flying Fish!

A menace to man and seagull alike, The Human Flying Fish first appeared in Adventure Comics #272 (May 1960) when this lunkhead, Vic Bragg, allows this quack surgeon and self-proclaimed "Medical / Aquaman expert", Dr. Krill, to sugically alter him into a human fish. Somehow, miraculously, he does not die, but instead goes on to be a reeaaly subpar supervillain.

The Human Flying Fish recently reappeared in the last few issues of Aquaman:Sword of Atlantis. It's probably his fault it cot cancelled.

Legion of Subpar Villains: 100 Feet of Failure!

2011-11-02T11:42:00.000-06:00

The Crimson Centipede made his one and only appearance in Wonder Woman #169 (April 1967), and surely must have driven WW artist Ross Andru "buggy" that month, having to draw all of those arms and legs. At least this Human Centipede didn't require anyone's mouth to be surgically attached to anyone else's butt; just some godly intervention from the clouds:

That's right, Mars don't care what pantheon he's supposed to be in, so you know he don't give a crap about nuanced storytelling. Crimson Centipede got the cheapest, easiest origin of all: the old "because the gods said so" trick. This happened to a lot of Thor villains as well, though Loki and the Enchantress usually at least picked a mortal to act as their pawn. Mars doesn't even have to put in that much effort, and apparently just poops out a Crimson Centipede when the whim hits him. Two panels later, the little rascal is robbing banks with no further explanation:

Wonder Woman tried to stop him, but quickly found herself overcome by the wily Centipede's amazing powers of brushing things aside and scurrying away:

This being a typical Silver-Age Wonder Woman story, the entire city immediately loses faith in our heroine! Luckily, she has a good man by her side to encourage her when times are bad:

Finally, Wonder Woman and the Crimson Centipede meet for a final showdown. The Centipede brings sixteen guns with him, and fires at the Amazon, who deflects his bullets with her magical bracelets. Now of course, this wouldn't be an old-timey Wonder Woman story without some freaky bondage subtext, so his next move ends up being a huge mistake:

That's right, kids, when Wonder Woman loses her Bracelets of Submission, she loses all self control and goes crazy-ape bonkers! WW beats the Centipede and starts tearing up the city, until a man (well, Steve Trevor) replaces the bracelets and puts her back in her place. Under control where she belongs, WW and Steve share a happy ending while Mars fumes and Aphrodite gloats (and Ares calls his lawyer).

And the Crimson Centipede was never seen again, another addition to the Legion of Subpar Villains.

BEHOLD JUGHOUSE

2011-10-20T11:01:00.008-06:00

Simpsons Comics (and Bongo Comics in general) have been reliably Very Good comics for years now; consistently well produced all-ages fare with occasional flashes of excellence. Issue #183, out yesterday was simply brilliant. Comic Book Guy overindulges on sugar and honey-laced mead at a Ren Faire and passes out in the Fortune Teller's tent while reading an Archie comic, leading to a bizarre future-dream in which "Everything's Bartchie" in Springfield!

Written by Ian Boothby and drawn by Stan Goldberg (a man who knows a little something about Archie), Simpsons Comics #183, from Bongo Comics is a must have if you have any fondness at all for Archie, the Simpsons or mash-ups.

BONUS: An all-too-fleeting glimpse of Principal Skinnerbee:

Legion of Subpar Villains: Doctor Doom, D.D.S.

2011-10-12T09:43:00.000-06:00

Open wide and say AHH! From the Sensational She Hulk #18 (1990) comes today's loser super villain... DOCTOR DOOM's fifth cousin, Dr. Bob Doom, D.D.S.

I face a bit of a dilemma here, as I wonder if I should include subpar villains in this feature that were actually created to be goofy and ineffectual. Dr. Doom, D.D.S. was created by Steve Gerber, a satirist, for a "funny" comic, albeit one set in the "serious" Marvel Universe, so is it really fair for me to include him in my gallery of lame-os? Upon reflection, and since it makes my job much easier, I have concluded that yes, such characters are fair game.

She Hulk learned of the other Doctor Doom through a mutual client who got more than he bargained for from his last filling. A tiny implant in his molar was receiving radio broadcasts, and he decided to sue:

When she goes to inform the doctor of the malpractice claim, he doesn't take it too well. Cancelling all of his appointments for the day, he heads home for a nice, relaxing super villain rant:

Where most writers would have been content to deliver an evil dentist, Steve Gerber went that extra mile to gift us with an evil dentist who is also Doctor Doom's fifth cousin, and who has a severe case of super villain envy. Doctor (Bob) Doom goes on to explain that he's been placing implants into his wealthy patients mouths so that he can brainwash them and swindle them out of their fortunes.

She Hulk figured out his scheme, of course, and beat him easily. Thus, Bob Doom D.D.S. was sent to prison, and never appeared in a Marvel comic again. Let's face it, he's a continuity annoyance, and Marvel would probably prefer to forget he ever existed. And you would have forgotten, if it weren't for the Legion of Subpar Villains. You're welcome.

Legion of Subpar Villains: Fire-Proof, But By No Means Fail-Safe

2011-10-06T09:35:00.009-06:00

America: Land of opportunity, innovation, and sometimes, great stupidity. At some point in the late 19th century, we decided that Asbestos was the new wonder material that was going to insulate our homes, schools, and federal buildings, and generally make life a beautiful living dream. Later, it was discovered that asbestos was super-toxic to humans over the long term if handled or inhaled. WHOOPS! Since then, a multi-million dollar industry has been built up around removing and containing the asbestos that was installed in the first place.

So how big of a loser do you have to be to give yourself a terminal illness dressing up in a toxic gimp suit made of asbestos in order to fail at robbing banks? Just ask the ASBESTOS MAN, a one shot punching bag who debuted in Strange Tales #111 (Aug 1963). Like so many other enterprising, disgruntled comic book scientists, Orson Kasloff decided that work is for chumps, and he'd be better off using his universal solvent to rob banks. But with no criminal skills, how was he to gather a criminal gang? Clearly, the only answer was to pick a fight with the Human Torch, defeat the whippersnapper, and wait for the goons to come to him. I never said it was a good plan. These days, he's dying of Mesothelioma, courtesy of his poorly self-designed asbestos clothing sending millions of jolly, microscopic fibrous visitors to his lungs, long after those many years ago when that punk ass Human Torch beat him so very, very easily. Now it's a race between the chrysotile fibers strangling his lungs and the fibers burrowing under his skin as to which horrific form of cancer takes him first; skin or lung, if not both. Such are the horrors and consequences of unsafe asbestos handling.

This goof-ball is especially amusing when you consider the sliding timeline of the Marvel Universe. He probably went on his little crime spree about eight years ago, Marvel time. Ironically, he probably had an e-mail reminding him that it was time to take his annual asbestos awareness training waiting for him in his e-mail at work.

Most recently, Asbestos Man made a reappearance in Fear Itself: The Home Front #6, where the Terminally-ill Terror attempted a comeback before being confronted and talked down by the Great Lakes Avengers, none of whom would actually touch him. He still made it into their top 5 rogues gallery, though. Because they, too, are sub-par.

Legion of Subpar Villains: The Living Eraser!

2011-09-23T09:53:00.003-06:00

"Dead ball!"

I've always had a place in my heart for the loser super-villain: that lower-class workingman tier of bad guy who has the moxie to strap some electrified springs to his feet or dress himself as a giant walking haystack and go out to steal himself a piece of the American dream, only to recieve an immediate and humiliating beatdown by Daredevil or Iron Man. Many are so pathetic, they are never seen again, cast aside for flashier, sleeker models of evil. There are always plenty of accolades for the Doctor Dooms, the Jokers and the Darkseids of comics, but what about those guys and gals for whom just showing their face in public is an act of courage? Only Again With the Comics has the guts to speak for the the once-hit wonders, the forgotten failures, and the goofy, reject remnants of supervillans past.

Only here do we honor...The Legion of Subpar Villains.

For example, take the Living Eraser...please!

Reknowned in his other-dimensional home for his ~~spot-on Richard Nixon impersonation~~ atomic-eraser gloves, this alien invader was sent to Earth to collect Atomic scientists for an invasion plan. The hungry little feller also grabbed up some delicious hot dogs while he was in the neighborhood:

Mmmm... hot dogs. So anyway, he erases some atomic eggheads (not to be confused with Egghead) and goes after Hank (Giant Man) Pym, who followed him to Dimension Z and easily dismantled the attack plans. The Living Eraser went on to fight the Thing and (ugh) Morbius, the Living Vampire, before disappearing into obscurity and an issue of She-Hulk that I never read.

Consider that his only power is basically to attack superheroes and bring them to his own house, and you'll see why the Living Eraser is a fitting candidate for the Legion of Subpar Villains.

Review: Optic Nerve #12

2011-09-16T08:54:00.003-06:00

Panels from "Amber Sweet"

Riding on the tidal wave of DC New 52 first issues and Marvel's Spider Island related comics this week, there was one little easily-overlooked alternative title that is well worth your time and money. Adrian Tomine's Optic Nerve #12 (Drawn & Quarterly, $5.95) was released with little fanfare, but was easily the best comic of the week. Tomine has been producing Optic Nerve for 20 years to much acclaim, and the latest release is an affordable introduction to his work.

I was a huge fan of, and dearly miss, the independent humour/autobio comix of the 90's, and apparently Tomine is, as well. The last two pages of Optic Nerve #12 include a "throwaway" autobio strip in which Tomine is mocked by his peers for sticking with the "floppy format.

A fragment of a two-page strip from Optic Nerve #12

The issue contains two lead stories: "Hortisculpture", in which a gardener tries to combine his work with a dubious form of art, creating friction in his family life, and "Amber Sweet", wherein a young college student must contend with her striking resemblance to an online porn model.

Excerpt from "Hortisculpture"

"Hortisculpture" is presented as a series of daily newspaper comic strips, in black and white for six days with a color Sunday strip. It has a very "Peanuts" vibe to it, if Peanuts were about an overweight, depressive, middle-aged would-be entrepreneur, rather than schoolchildren. "Amber Sweet" is a more traditional, full color narrative. Both small human dramas are told with economy and elegance, complete in this issue. Both are excellent.

Skip Deathstroke and Suicide Squad (both are terrible, nihilistic trash) and treat yourself to Optic Nerve #12 instead!

Rebooty Call

2011-09-02T11:03:00.001-06:00

Like everyone else, I read the last issue of Flashpoint and the first issue of Justice League to see what the brand spanking new DC Universe was going to have in store for us, and the first thing I noticed, as Barry Allen went running through the timestream to clean up his mess was, OH MY GOD, are you kidding me, they're already setting up the next "big event"?!

Some mystery woman shows up, mumbling about how the "history of heroes" was shattered to make way for "their impending arrival" and he has to bring the timelines together again, or everyone's boned for sure this time.
So Barry knits together the fancy new DCU, and we head straight into the first Justice League adventure, where Aquaman is alerted to an approaching Giant Space Starfish, by his loyal pal Peter the Pufferfish. He assembles his comrades in the Justice League of America, each of whom take turns battling Starro for several pages, before they figure out how to immobilize him with quicklime, thus saving the day! Batman argues with Green Lantern, they fail to stop a monster from blowing up the sewer, then, Superman! To be continued! That'll be $4.00, please!

Today's comics could use more helpful exposition-spouting fish to speed things along.

I was hoping to see a move away from decompression, and back toward done-in-one stories, but it looks like we won't be getting that from Justice League. So you can probably figure that by the time the 6-part origin wraps up, it will be about time to kick this "mysterious lady" crisis into full gear, which ought to take up a good year or so. And I already don't care. Business as usual then.
Since I never learn, I did sign up for a few of the new titles, but probably fewer than I was buying before the change. I'll be getting Action, Superman, Firestorm, Legion of Super Heroes, that Robotman comic, Justice League Dark (hate the title), OMAC, Stormwatch, and maybe sample a few others.
It sounds like this has been a pretty successful relaunch so far for DC, and that's great - I certainly wish them the best. But for my part, I wish I saw less same ol' same ol', and more of the truly surprising. Maybe in the weeks to come...

Back To Work

2011-08-29T12:01:00.000-06:00

You might wonder what kind of idiot makes big deal out of five years of blogging, then immediately drops off the radar for two and a half months. Well folks, I am exactly that kind of idiot. Blame the extended hiatus on my father's day present (a Kindle), visiting family, a mild case of comics burnout, and mainly on the loss of my primary blogging laptop. But most of those issues are resolved, and we are back in business, bringing you the incoherent babbling you have come to crave!

I have been remiss in my blogging duties, and for that I apologize. I haven't even mentioned the new MODOK here, and that used to be my main schtick. Of course, I love new, all-up-in-your-grill MODOK. He's a feisty, can-do kinda guy who's not afraid to get his hands dirty. A lusty, gutsy, two-fisted Mental Organism Designed Only for Killing, if you will. Best of all, this spider-legged skin-headed lunatic is a cloned offshoot of the original, so we can always get classic MODOK back whenever George Tarleton gets re-mutated, and you know he will. Then we can look forward to all-out MODOK WAR.

I haven't been ignoring comics the last couple of months, by any stretch. In addition to my weekly regulars, I've been reading some great Don Rosa Donald Duck books, and I finally got around to finishing Planetary. I've also been reading up on the Doom Patrol Archives, which had the mixed effect of giving me some great old Silver Age comics to read, while at the same time making me rethink the virtues of some more recent comics. Look for more thoughts on that in the near future. Oh, I have so many half-baked opinions to share, my friends! Won't you join me?

5 Years, 555 Posts, What, AGAIN With The Comics ?!?

2011-06-14T22:25:00.000-06:00

Again With the Comics first feeble post hit the internet on June 13, 2006. Has it been five years already? Christ, I'm old.

I spent the last couple of weekends working in the yard. My wife and I have built quite a nice little garden paradise in the back yard of our house over the last ten years, and each summer means tending to it, which of course means less time for comics and blogging about comics. Which is not to say they aren't always in the back of my mind. Case in point: after all the work was done, I was sitting on the patio enjoying a beer and she was taking photos of all the new flowers she had planted. Needless to say, I soon leapt to my feet, stalked across the yard, and barked:

"BLAST IT PARKER! I'M NOT PAYIN' YOU TO TAKE PICTURES OF POSIES AND PETUNIAS! I WANT PICTURES OF SPIDER MAN! SEE IF YOU CAN CATCH HIM ROBBIN' A BANK WITH DOC OCK! I KNOW THOSE TWO ARE IN CAHOOTS!!"

More bemused than amused, she rolled her eyes and continued her task. She's lucky I started up Again with the Comics five years ago, or I'd have to vent to her about DC comics' latest revamp, or how Marvel and DC keep screwing up their numbering, and that would be grounds for divorce, I'm sure. I mean, she she still has to hear more than her fair share of comics talk, like when we're watching 30 Rock, and I'm trying to explain why Liz Lemon and Superman should meet, because according to Suprman lore, they have a weirdly-fated "LL" connection:

But here I have a place where I can babble away about funnybooks to my heart's content, and everyone gets it.

For newcomers, welcome. I am Brian Hughes, award winning Internet Comic Book Blogger and humble host of Again with the Comics. I write way more about comics than is healthy for a normal adult, see the archives for details. Longtime readers, linkers, commenters: Thank you for your support, my friends.You know, if you keep encouraging me, I'll never go away.

In closing, and for no particular reason, Daffy Duck by Peter Bagge:

Marvel to Relaunch Entire Line, Publish ONLY First Issues Starting January 2012.

2011-06-09T23:08:00.001-06:00

Just some of the Marvel titles ~~with long, unbroken runs~~ ~~that have earned their pedigrees~~ ~~published since the 1960's~~ affected by "Forever First" changes

MARVEL ANNOUNCES NEW FIRST ISSUES-EACH MONTH, EVERY MONTH!

Not to be outdone by cross-town rival DC Comics, Marvel Entertainment has announced a bold new publishing initiative called “Forever First” designed to revolutionize the concept of comic book collectability. Recognizing that every issue of a comic is someone’s first, and that collectors crave first issues like a junkie craves sweet,sweet smack, Marvel will launch an historic renumbering of the entire Marvel Universe line of comic books with 104 first issues, beginning January 11, 2012. This isn’t just a carbon copy of DC’s plan, however, since the next issues of each series, shipping in February, will ALSO be numbered issue #1, as will all comics published in March, April, May, and all subsequent months.

Marvel Editor-In-Chief Axel Alonzo explains further:

“Basically, this move is designed to provide maximum accessibility to all Marvel titles, while allowing every reader to feel like they’re jumping in at square one, every single month. We’ve stopped and restarted our numbering so many times, we frankly have no idea what issue Captain America is actually up to by now, so this seemed like the next logical step. Assuming you have a very flexible definition of the word “logical” that is. At least this way, Moon Knight never gets canceled again, and everyone can own a copy of Amazing Spider-Man #1, every month!"

STREAMLINED DIGITAL INITIATIVE!

All titles will be available digitally on the same day-and-date as the print copies are released to comic shops, for $2.99 per download - But only for 4-6 hours. Then, a week later, the digital comics will be reoffered unless they aren't and the price will drop to $1.99, but all digital comics will download sideways so you have to twist your head to read them if you're on a sucky PC. Then, a week after that, they will download normally again, but only in black and white, and for $3.49. Then they go into the vault for six months. After six months, they’ll be available again, possibly in color, definitely on an incompatible reader, and probably, oh...let’s say $3.26. We’ll get back to you on that.

NEW COSTUMES! DEATHS!! DEAD COSTUMES!!!

While it was still too early to release information on all of the 104 new titles destined to glut shelves in 2012, Senior Vice President of Publishing Tom Brevoort was able to give some tantalizing hints:

“Forever First builds on long-term foundations that we’ve been laying for years here at the house of ideas. These are stories that needed to be told, and could only be told in a series of never ending first issue spectaculars! For example, we’ve been wanting to launch an ongoing Pet Avengers title, but we had to wait until the time was right to co-launch it with Ms.Lion’s New Pet Avengers. That time is now, and the place is Marvel!”

Instead of just changing the heroes' costumes once in January, Marvel will be taking a cue from recent issues of The Amazing Spider-Man, introducing a new costume for each major character every month. "Fans lose interest in the same old costumes faster than ever in this media-driven information age," explained Brevoort; "Readers are sophisticated enough to figure out that Spider-Man has joined the FF by now, and are bored with his dull old white costume.He really needs a new look ever time he appears; after all I don't wear the same clothes every day. Er, maybe that's not the best example..." Alonzo continues: "Hey, Iron Man is genius enough to create a new armor every day, forget once a month! The possibilities are endless! Oh yeah, plus, someone DIES in every issue now, too! Venom, Cyclops, Daredevil, the Hulk and Annex are all joining the Avengers, but someone won't survive their first mission as a team! Can't guess who? Read it and find out!"

All 104 January-shipping titles weren't available at press time, but a partial list of confirmed books included some old favorites and some new surprises:

Spider-Man #1
Amazing Spider-Man #1
Web of Spider-Man #1
Spectacular Spider-Man #1
Sensational Spider-Man #1
Spider-Man Adventures #1
Spider-Man Pays His Bills and Washes the Dishes #1
Rocket Racer #1
Vengeance of Frog Man #1
Aunt May: Agent of S.W.O.R.D. #1
Captain America #1
Captain America and Bucky #1
Captain America is Talking About World War 2 Again #1
Avengers #1
New Avengers #1
Avengers Scabs #1
Avengers Academy #1
Avengers Cleaning Staff #1
Pet Avengers #1
Ms. Lion and the New Pet Avengers #1
Forbush Force #1
Ghost Rider #1
Tuff Ghosts Starring Ghost Rider #1
Fantastic Four #1
FF #1
The Thing #1
H.E.R.B.I.E. and the Fantastic Force #1
Wolverine #1
Wolverine: Berserker Rage #1
Wolverine: Mellow Moods #1
Wolverine Team-Up #1
Wolverine Force #1
Wolverine’s TV Laugh-Out
Wolverina #1
Wolverine Jr. #1
The Three Lieutenant Wolverines #1
Lady Bova: Legend of Wundagore #1
Mighty Iron Man #1
Iron Man #1
Iron Man, Too, But This One’s A Black Guy #1
X-Men #1
X-Force #1
X-Men Legacy
X-Treme X-Men #1
Uncanny X-Men (Team Cyclops) #1
Uncanny X-Men (Team Wolverine) #1
Ex X-Men #1
Deadpool, of Course #1
Red Hulk #1
Incredible Green Hulk #1
Beige Hulk #1
She Hulk Squad #1
U.S.1 vs. Razorback #1
Invincible Thor #1
Thunderstrike and Lockjaw #1
Volstagg the Voluminous#1
Warriors Three #1
Journey into Thor #1
Web of Hercules #1
Marvel Team-Up
Marvel Two-In-One
Marvel Triple Action #1
Marvel Quadruple Action #1
Kickers, Unlimited #1
DP7, Inc. #1
New Street Poet Ray Adventures #1
Terrible Tinkerer #1
Yancy Street Gang #1
Venom #1
Venom's Wise-Guy Jokes #1

"And that's just the tip of the iceberg!" Alonzo muttered. "If these don't work for you, wait'll you see what we have in store for February! Two Words: Howard. The. Mutant." With this massive push, its clear Marvel plans to be "Number One" in comics for the foreseeable future.

I'll Bet This Somehow Ends Up Making Donna Troy EVEN MORE Confusing.

2011-06-01T23:28:00.000-06:00

Well, Action Comics almost made it to #1000 uninterrupted, but those manics finally pulled the trigger. I've long despaired of this renumbering-mania that publishers are obsessed with, but Action and Detective Comics are two of the most venerable runs in comics, and seeing them go down is painful. If you've no idea what I'm rambling about, DC Comics is relaunching their entire line in September with a renumbering of all DC Universe titles at #1, and yet another continuity reboot. I'm assuming this includes Action and Detective, though they might be canceled outright for all I know. I would almost prefer that, since they could always be quietly brought back later with their original numbering, no bizarre deviations and no one the wiser. Yes, I actually worry about things like this.

Apparently, all of this involves more continuity tinkering, and tweaking of a number of troublesome story points. Rumors include new origins for some characters while retaining others, undoing Superman's marriage to Lois Lane, restoring Barbara Gordon to the Batgirl role, and a number of other claims that, if true, would require unwinding hundreds of recent stories from continuity, while apparently trying to keep others. In other words, they're opening exactly the same can of worms they opened 25 years ago with Crisis on Infinite Earths.

It is also meant to reset the characters to younger, fresher and newer versions, which to me implies that a lot of recent works, Morrison's Batman, Inc. for example, may be swept under the rug in favor of a younger, hipper Batman who doesn't constantly remind you that he's old enough to have an adult "son" with the same job. How many very recent works will fall down the memory hole this time I wonder? Then there's the whole 'married Superman issue, and the legacy/generational aspect of the DCU in general that obsessives like myself enjoy, but theoretically are a turn-off to new, young audiences that DC hopes are waiting on the digital frontier.

A few problems, however:

If Jim Lee draws ten full issues of Justice League -on time and in a row- I'll eat my Justice League longbox and all of its no-longer-in-continuity contents. I don't believe for a minute that DC has the talent pool or the editorial competence to pull off FIFTY-TWO launches in September or any other month. This digital day-and-date thing could be a disaster for retailers; allowing customers to bypass the brick and mortar store entirely, and presumably download comics before they could physically make it to the store. How many stores will go down when Marvel inevitably follows suit?

And oh yeah, the last thing the DCU needs is another continuity hiccup. I'm sure I've mentioned this before.

For my part, I'll pick up whatever my favorite creators are working on. I would have purchased a Grant Morrison Superman book regardless of whether or not it came hand-in-hand with a crazy stunt. This just seems like a super-crazy stunt at a super-crappy time in the market, so I hope (more for my local retailers' sake than DC's) that they know what they're doing.

Alas, "The Governator" We Hardly Knew Ye.

2011-05-19T21:49:00.000-06:00

.

Well, at least this won't be happening now:

As described by Co-creator Stan Lee in the pages of Entertainment Weekly #1149 (April 8, 2011) The Governator would have seen Arnold Schwarzenegger running around behind Maria's back -as a superhero- in his retirement:

"We're using all the personal elements of Arnold's life. We're using his wife (Maria Shriver), we're using his kids. We're using the fact that he used to be Governor. Only after he leaves the Governor's office, Arnold decides to become a crime fighter and builds a secret high-tech crime-fighting control center underneath his house in Brentwood."

The article goes on to describe the usual pie-in-the-sky hype that accompanies this sort of thing; multi-media platform, a 2012 animated series roll out (channel to be determined, natch!) and a comic book series via Archie Comics. I love Stan, but given previous history, I'm pretty sure that if this "love child" fiasco hadn't happened, we would have seen 3 or four issues of the Archie comic and no episodes of the cartoon before everyone involved lost interest when they didn't make a fortune easily and immediately.

The story also mentions a 46-page story bible with villains, situations, and sidekicks. Look out for the sassy housekeeper with the wisecracking son, Governator! I think she has a crush on you!

The Deja-Vu Deaths of Dr. Drool!

2011-05-17T23:00:00.001-06:00

When I find a crazy old golden age story with a villain named "Dr. Drool" involved in it, you know I'm going to have to comment on it here somehow. Dr. Drool is a public domain character, therefore any comics creators reading this should use him immediately, though I recommend you depict him salivating copiously at all times. Unfortunately, Doctor Drool doesn't actually drool much at all, but what he does do, a LOT, is die and come back from the dead. In fact, he starts off the story in The Flame #4 dead, which his dwarf assistant Scully works frantically to change:

The refreshing thing about Dr. Drool is that he shows no interest in ruling the world and no urge to create atomic super-monsters, he just wants to kill all the jurors that sentenced him to death for his unspecified earlier crime.:

Understand, Dr. Drool didn't shoot the guy. He fired the gun, and this candy-ass died of fright. Back in the golden Age, a villain didn't have to work as hard, obviously. Dr. Drool sends out a lot more of these adorable little drooly-skull notes throughout the course of the story to build a sense of growing tension and not just because they were easy to draw. (Okay, it's probably because they were easy to draw.)

The Flame uses the greatest divining secret of the high Lamas, the reading of the morning newspaper to learn that Doctor Drool has returned from the dead, and sets out to stop him. While Dr. Drool is out killing a judge, the Flame explores Drool Manor, when a ghostly face appears!

Back in the Golden Age, a superhero could be forgiven for being suckered by the old empty-coat-and-mask-lit-up-by-a-flashlight trick once. The next day, Flame reads of the Judge's death in the newspaper, and heads straight back for Drool's mansion, where he sees a light in a third floor window. He leaps in the window where he confronts the madman:

But Dr. Drool outwits the Flame by employing the cunning stratagem of turning off the lights and running away. Flame gives chase but crashes through a hollow wall and lands in a tank of water. warm, thick water with froth around the edges.

Wait, Why is this guy called Dr Drool again...?

Yeah, er, Flame? That's not water...!

Anyway, Dr. Drool escapes until Big 3 #3, which finds him still plotting to kill jurors, and the Flame deciding to search that fucking mansion yet again. He sees a silhouette against the window and crashes in, only to find an empty room. Then he starts blundering around the room and trips a wire that turns out the lights, revealing:

Why that sneaky...! who could have predicted the old empty-coat-and-mask-lit-up-by-a-flashlight trick? This guy ain't the brightest Flame, is he? Our doughy moron wanders around the mansion for awhile longer, dodging some more deathtraps before accidentally finding, and getting thrown off a roof by, Dr. Drool. Oh yeah, he also fails to save Prosecutor Day, Drool's third victim. Not bad for a villain with such an asinine name.

The fourth Victim falls, and Drool kidnaps his daughter. The Flame follows to rescue her, but is captured in a net. Finally, he escapes and kills Dr. Drool with one punch. Freeing the girl, he turns to see the body is gone, and on a hunch, he drives to Dr. Drool's tomb. Sure enough, the dead body is in the coffin, and the Flame basically says "Good enough for Government work!" and calls it a day. BUT:

Oh look, the girl's father lived, no thanks to the Flame, but thanks to not dying with ridiculous ease.

By the time we get to the Flame #4, Dr. Drool is back to being dead, so here comes Scully to bring him back to life again:

Drool wastes no time getting right back to killing those jurors; in fact this is starting to look a Hell of a lot like the previous issue of the Flame. The funny thing about these three stories is that the artist obviously drew the same story twice for some reason, and by God, he was gonna figure out a way to use each and every page. The overall effect was like reading a crappy Golden age version of Groundhog Day.

Cut to the Flame, reading his newspaper yet again, stunned that Dr. Drool is back from the dead yet again. He goes to the cemetery and gets himself ambushed and buried alive by Drool and Scully. Then its back to the mansion to fall for the same trick a third fucking time:

If the Flame did as good of a job tracking down Dr. Drool as he did keeping track of those bloody mice, five Jurors would have survived this awful, idiotic story. Anyway, much fighting, blundering, escaping, and chasing ensues until:

"Yeah, no use turning the body of this wanted murderer over to the police, they'll only think I swiped it! Guess I'll just take it back to the boneyard, again, and chuck it back into the coffin, again!"

The whole terrible journey might have been worth it for "Here we are pal, back again to your little house!"

And yes, after all that inanity, Dr. Drool lives to drool another day!

Scans from The Flame #4

Big 3 #3

The Flame #5 By Basil Berold

Fox Feature Syndicate

All scans found at the Digital Comic Museum

Do You Fear...Losing Your Fruit Pies?

2011-05-09T22:15:00.001-06:00

So, Marvel has this Fear Itself event going on, and as if the main threat of The Serpent weren't enough, his emergence and the appearance of several mystic hammers worldwide have triggered a series of smaller catastrophes. The hammer claimed by Juggernaut crashed into the Raft holding facility, freeing dozens of super villains to run amok. In Fear Itself: The Home Front #2, a half dozen of the fugitives run afoul of Robbie Baldwin aka Speedball, in the town of Stamford, Connecticut:

And yes, that's The Icemaster attacking Speedball. Recently mentioned here as the only Hostess Snack Cake Villain to actually make it to the big leagues of the real Marvel Universe, and here he is, in an actual Marvel Event, spreading fear with actual Marvel Super-Villains the Whirlwind and the Living Laser. But what has he been up to since his prison break? What twisted crimes has this cold, cold criminal unleashed on a terrified world in this time of fearful fearity-fear?

Stealing all the delicious Hostess Fruit Pies he can get his icy fingers on, of course! No gritty reboot for this guy! After all these years, Icemaster still gets a big delight from every bite of Hostess Fruit Pies. But hey, who doesn't?

Tomorrow is Free Comic Book Day!

2011-05-06T17:29:00.070-06:00

Wanna feel old? Tomorrow is the tenth annual Free Comic Book Day.
GO GET YOU SOME FREE COMICS.

Since the last thing I need is more comic books to file, I actually skipped quite a few of these, but I got an earful from my son two years ago when he figured out he had missed it. He wants his free comic books, so now it's a family tradition. We'll be seeing Thor tomorrow, followed by a trip to Escape Velocity Comics, with lunch in there somewhere.

I know which free comic I'll be looking for:

Hailing The Cabbie

2011-04-12T23:54:00.001-06:00

In June, Fantagraphics Books will be issuing a new printing of The Cabbie, by Marti Riera. I've owned the 1987 Catalan printing of this fascinating, perverse delight for some time now, and it is truly one of Eurocomics' hidden treasures.

Originally serialized in 1979, The Cabbie tells a pitch-dark tale of a solitary man, secure in his moral superiority in a depraved world of sinners, who nonetheless is growing impatient waiting for his inheritance. When he finds out where the money is stored, things get much more complicated. He also gets swept up in a feud with a vengeful family of petty criminals, and Noir ensues.

Obviously, the best part is that throughout this bullet-riddled yarn, Riera employs a pitch-perfect recreation of Chester Gould's Dick Tracy to tell the story. I've read many a Tracy story, and Riera mimics the artwork, style, and pacing of Gould brilliantly.

More than an homage, this was Marti's critique of Gould's worldview, as presented in Tracy. There are no heroes in this book, and no true villains either. Just a lot of desperate, greedy people fighting over money. I'm not smart enough to have figured this out on my own. Art Spiegelman contributes an outstanding Introduction to this volume that explains Reira's background, influences, and naturally, the generational and cultural differences that made The Cabbie an ironic rebuttal to Dick Tracy's somewhat simplistic morality plays.

The Cabbie is full of violence and nudity and troubling things. It probably won't be at your shop unless you ask for it. It can be ordered on page #282 of the June 2011 Previews, if you're so inclined.

Making Mine Marvel

2011-04-05T23:01:00.002-06:00

So if DC is losing me, what about Marvel? Well,lately, I'm buying as many Marvels as I ever have, so I guess I'm still in the Merry Marvel Marching Society.

Which isn’t to say that Marvel is doing anything different than DC. Both companies have essentially the same publishing goals and strategies, both milk their top selling characters for all they’re worth, and both crank out event after event. I suppose I’m just more predisposed toward the Marvel Universe characters. For example, Fear Itself only seems more appealing to me than Flashpoint because I’ve been reading Captain America on and off for years, whereas I’ve largely ignored the Flash, aside from most of the Wally West years. Fear Itself also appeals because rather than mucking with the timestream and changing the Marvel Universe FOREVER, by making baffling changes to its history, it simply promises slack-jawed brutes pounding the crap out of everyone in sight with giant magic hammers; a much more appealing proposition.

As far as the regular titles go, Amazing Spider-Man has become a solid favorite in the last few years. Say what you will about One More Day, (and I have weighed in), the book hasn’t been this good in years. I love the direction Big Time has taken Spidey in, and I enjoy seeing him evolve into a different kind of hero who has to struggle with a new kind of responsibility.
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Spider-Man also recently became the newest member of Marvel’s FF; not the Fantastic Four, but either the First Family or the Future Foundation, depending on which grouping of the greatly expanded team we're talking about. Spider-Man, Nathanial Richards, and an eccentric Uncle join the First Family, while Spidey will also be doing time with the Future Foundation and Reed's young prodigies. I've been enjoying Jonathan Hickman's run, but FF casts a whole new light on the same old family.

And then there are the Avengers. Brian Bendis’ take on the Avengers has been a huge success for Marvel, but its wearing a bit thin for me. The main Avengers title is pretty good, and has a strong lineup, but I still can’t wrap my head around Wolverine as an Avenger, let alone an Avenger twice over. New Avengers should have been better, but started out weak with a story designed to complete Bendis’ ongoing quest to destroy Doctor Strange. So far, Avengers Academy is my favorite of the current Avengers lot, featuring actual Avengers –in costume- doing Avengery things.

I continue to be completely indifferent to the X-Men.

I’m also getting and enjoying Thunderbolts, Mighty Thor, Hulk, Captain America, and probably a few others that I’m forgetting. I will definitely be getting Mark Waid’s Daredevil, a title that has been way too dour for me for years now. Suffice to say that while Marvel is far from perfect, they seem to be hitting more than missing with yours truly at the moment.

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DC is Losing Me.

2011-03-29T23:19:00.000-06:00

Photorealistic Bouncing Boy is TERRIFYING.

Remember when the Legion of Superheroes was notoriously the DC book that was way too complicated to understand? Let's just admit that we've gotten to the point where the entire DCU is in a constant state of Legion-Level migraine inducing complexity, shall we? A DC Universe that has been through the infinite Crisis, Final Crisis, Blackest Night, Brightest Day, and who knows what else is about to jump into yet another a reality warping event, which seems to be as good a jumping-off point as any.

Okay, I'll be buying this one.

My pull list for DC Comics is taking a massive hit in the next couple of months as my beloved Doom Patrol gets canceled again for the fifth time along with, well, a slew of books I wasn't buying either. All this to make way for a 50+ book Flashpoint bonanza that leaves me cold. I'm also dropping Booster Gold as it jumps into Flashpoint. I may or may not get the core series when it comes out; but so far, I'm unimpressed with what I've seen. I guess I resent it for elbowing my book off the field, but Flashpoint looks dull. I love parallel world stories, but there have been a glut of those at both DC and Marvel; and at this point, I may be all alternate-realitied out. What with Brightest day still wrapping up,the lantern Wars going on, and Doomsday running around, I assume Flashpoint is meant to Rock the DC Universe to its Core FOREVER for a period of approximately Two days, Seven hours and twenty three minutes in overall DC History (only to be retroactively erased from history by the events of next year's Ginormous Time-Twisting Crossover.)

Its not as if I'm "boycotting" DC, though. I follow creators, and thus I continue to follow Grant Morrison's weaving Batman epic through Batman Inc. The Dick and Bruce and multiple Batmen deal has been a cool twist on the old formula. I've been reading the Legion of Superheroes and Adventure Comics again, enjoying both as a longtime Legion reader, though I'm leery of Green Lantern related elements intruding recently. I read Secret Six each month, though it feels like its headed toward a bad end lately. T.H.U.N.D.E.R. Agents is so doomed it was barely worth typing, and the same could probably be said of fellow outlier Zatanna. Basically, it seems like if I like a title, and it kind of stands off to the side doing its own thing, DC will cancel it.

I like the DC Comics characters, but lately, I don't like the DC Comics so much. Luckily, there's always Batman: The Brave and the Bold.

A Jar Jar Binks Comic By Peter Bagge!

2011-03-01T18:57:00.003-07:00

Jar Jar Binks may have had a reduced role in Star Wars: Attack of the Clones, but he wasn't completely idle. Ten years after Phantom Menace, the Gungan had Dilbert-principled his way into a job befitting his intelligence and skill set, becoming a Galactic Senator. Late in the film, for once in his life, Jar Jar managed to gather his wits, marshal all of his oratory skills... and delivered the speech that handed Chancellor Palpatine sweeping emergency powers. Powers that arguably led to him becoming the Emperor, which led to the Clone Wars, which led to the whole damn evil Galactic Empire! Way to go, Jar Jar! If you liked Tony Millionaire's George R. Binks, you're gonna love this:

"Failing Up With Jar Jar Binks"
"Anakin & Padme in: Nobody's Perfect!"
Story and Art: Peter Bagge
Story scanned from:
Star Wars Tales #20 (Dark Horse Comics - June 2004)

So Many Wonderful Things...!

2011-02-24T22:58:00.004-07:00

If you haven't had the pleasure, let me introduce you to Marvel Two-In-One...The Lost Issues.

I love this site. Using MS Paint, artist Ross delivers a brand new imaginary MTU cover every weekday, and they're all Fantastic! Here are a few of my favorites, but he also teams Ben with such unlikely characters as the whole DC Universe, King Kong, Jonny Quest, Calvin and Hobbes, Han Solo...well, you get the idea. Enuff yappin'! IT'S CLOBBERIN' TIME!!

Oh how I wish this Thing and Metamorpho comic were real. What a double date!

This is hilarious if you're a Concrete reader...

And lest we forget, it all started with The Brave and the Bold:

All images created by and for The Brave and the Bold...The Lost Issues!

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Dwayne McDuffie

2011-02-23T22:30:00.001-07:00

I am stunned and saddened by the death of Dwayne McDuffie, one of my favorite writers last Monday. He was also one of the very few comic creators my wife recognized by name, and whose work she enjoyed. We used to watch Static Shock with our son when it was on reruns on the Cartoon Network, and she started to really enjoy those. I am the pasty half of a biracial couple, so I told her all about Dwayne, and how he co-founded Milestone media and created Static with a goal of introducing a racially diverse superhero universe, and she was impressed with that. My wife has never been one to read superhero comics, but she enjoys most of the myriad DC animated series, and we all became especially addicted to the Justice League cartoons. He will be missed by us all.

A Jar Jar Binks Story by Tony Millionaire!

2011-02-15T21:43:00.001-07:00

Any true Star Wars fan will tell you that the first Trilogy was okay, but things didn't really get cooking until Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace and the introduction of the one and only Jar Jar Binks. When Jar Jar fumbled, stumbled and bumbled his way into our hearts In Phantom Menace, I was sure he would be pivotal in Episodes 2 and 3. Unfortunately, George Lucas chose another path, focusing on Anakin Skywalker, of all people, and shuffling Jar Jar to the sidelines.

I'll never understand Hollywood.

Here, from Star Wars Tales #20, is George R. Binks: The Tragic Story of Jar Jar's Father:

"George R. Binks"
Story and Art: Tony Millionaire
Colors: Jim Campbell
Story scanned from:
Star Wars Tales #20 (Dark Horse Comics - June 2004)

Fantastic Four Expands to Future Foundation

2011-02-12T10:15:00.000-07:00

Well, as I predicted, spider-Man has joined the FF... if by FF you mean Future Foundation. Marvel Comics has announced an official name change for the world famous Fantastic Four after the sudden, heroic death of their youngest member, Johnny Storm, The Human Torch.* Regular readers know that the Future Foundation has actually been around since Fantastic Four #579, formed as a group of gifted youth. Throughout Hickman's run thus far, two things have occurred: the FF have invited several gifted and super powered children to live in the Baxter building, and Reed Richards has become determined to guide humanity to a better tomorrow. In issue #579, he gathered a think-tank consisting of his daughter Valeria ,a Valeria-reprogrammed Dragon Man, a clone of the Wizard, Artie, Alex Power, and some other Moloid and Atlantean children the team has taken in.

At first glance, it appeared that it was just going to be Reed teaching the kids, but now, I think the Foundation may become more of a training-in-the-field situation with Spider-Man and other heroes acting as mentors and teammates. I'd put money on She Hulk showing up, as Jennifer Walters made a cameo early in issue #579, when Reed was scolding a group of futurists for having grown old and stodgy, he singled out Jen as an exception. Now that there's no numerical limit on membership, the FF could open its ranks to an unlimited number of heroes. Just Please, PLEASE, no Wolverine!

*Its okay, he'll be back...

So What the FF is Going On With Spider-Man?

2011-02-05T19:52:00.002-07:00

Spoiler Alert....Spoilers for upcoming Amazing Spider-Man and Fantastic Four comics ahead!

Well, as we all know by now, the Human Torch is no more, having sacrificed himself to bar the gate against the Annihilation Wave. A noble and touching end indeed, and we are all left wondering, how will the Fantastic Four continue after this? The answer lies in the pages of FF, and it may involve none other than your Friendly Neighborhood Spider-Man:

Reed Richards has been working with a group of young geniuses in his Future Foundation recently, (which may actually be what "FF" stands for, come to think of it), and he may invite Peter to participate and/or join the FF. The Marcos Martin costume design shown above showed up a few times last convention season when "Big Time" was first announced, but I haven't seen a trace of it online or elsewhere since. Marvel is being secretive about their April solicits for both FF and Amazing Spider-Man, so don't be too surprised if that's when Spidey joins another team.

"Dick Tracy" to Become Readable, Viewable Again.

2011-01-27T20:34:00.001-07:00

I'm pretty excited to hear about the new creative team of artist Joe Staton and writer Mike Curtis coming onto the DICK TRACY newspaper strip. I've been a Tracy fan since seeing a collection of the Chester Gould strips in The Celebrated Cases of Dick Tracy as a child, and borrowing the same book over and over again for the next ten years. (I now own a copy) Unfortunately, the venerable strip has fallen on hard times in recent years:

Dick Locher has finally relinquished his hold on the legendary cop and allowed a new creative team to take over...and not a moment too soon. I hate to speak ill of the elderly, but he's retiring a wealthy man, and Dick Tracy has been terrible since forever. Staton and Curtis have been auditioning for the strip for some time now, and I've seen a few samples of their style:

These are from an online Tracy tribute strip that the two did for a website that has since disappeared. The new team may just straight up reuse this story for Dick Tracy proper, so don't be surprised if the debut storyline involves Flyface and "The Fifth". I've always enjoyed Staton's work and I'm loving the work I see here. Here's hoping the new look leads to some new interest in a favorite comic strip.

End of an Error (Updated)

2011-01-24T22:04:00.000-07:00

I emerge from seclusion to emit a Nelson Muntz-esque "HAW HAW!" in the general direction of the Comics Code Authorty, which finally died a long overdue death earlier this week as DC and Archie comics decided to stop paying for the "privilege" of the Code's seal of good clean family values on dead teenagers and all-American squeaky-clean teens, respectively.

The most secretive of agencies, even a die-hard comic nut like myself had no idea what really went on in the CCA offices. I've always pictured a dusty, sepia-toned warehouse office filled with mean old ladies wielding red pencils and "CENSORED" stamps. And feeding comics into the furnace on their cofee breaks, of course. In recent years, I can only imagine that it was a one man operation, rubber-stamping whatever came through the door to keep the membership dues rolling in. Since the Code started as a way to put EC Comics out of business and was generally seen as setting comics art back for decades, I'll shed no tears for the Comics Code Authority.

Updated 1/24/11: Looks like the Comics Code Authority has been defunct since at least 2009 and was just cashing the checks without reviewing the comics for several years before that.

In Which I Continue to Obsess Over Whether or Not Silver Age Jimmy Olsen Stories "Actually Happened"

2011-01-04T07:02:00.001-07:00

In a world of suffering and pain it's good to know that as of Action Comics #896, "The Gorilla Reporter" is now back in Superman continuity, where it belongs. So my mind is at rest about that, at least. As I predicted, the Jimmy Olsen feature has been great, and this latest issue was the best one yet, especially since, as seen in the two panels reproduced above, more of the old Jimmy Olsen stories have now been acknowledged, including the aforementioned classic wherein Jimmy spent a day as a gorilla! In fact, I'm going to pull the "internet expert" card here and declare all silver-age Jimmy Olsen stories -every bizarre transformation, every wacky hoax- to be officially in continuity until otherwise depicted or specifically stated in a DC publication.

Jingle Bells, Batman Smells!

2010-12-20T20:33:00.000-07:00

Well bah my humbugs if'n it's not Christmas time...again! I've been way too busy spreading holiday cheer to do anything with Again With the Comics for the last couple of weeks, but here I am just in time for Christmas with a forgotten case from Batman's Secret Yule Files for your enjoyment. Indeed, everything that happens to Batman is in canon somehow, even that holiday playground parody favorite:

"BATMAN SMELLS"
Written by: Patton Oswalt
Drawn by: Bob Fingerman
Story scanned from Bizarro World collection, DC Comics, 2005

The Many Plans of Superman

2010-12-10T12:16:00.010-07:00

For such a heroic guy, Superman sure is a Machiavellian schemer. We recently covered his bizarre and convoluted Plan "J" in our coverage of Jimmy Olsen's Helmet of Hate, but as Pat of the Silver Age Comics Blog points out, that's just one of three wacky, overly- complex contingency plans the Man of Steel kept up his royal blue sleeve. Here's some information about Plan "L", which basically involved Lois Lane running around Metropolis kissing all of the other superheroes! Spoiler Alert: it turns out to be a zany hoax:

Then of course, there's Plan "P", which sadly does not involve Perry White locking lips with Green Arrow, but does include bondage and Kandorians. It's not quite as wacky as the first two, presumably since Perry didn't have his own comic, and therefore no need to explain why he had been turned into a baby or a hippie, or whatever on the cover. These two panels sum up Plan "P" pretty succinctly, in all their exposition-y glory:

Given Superman's obsessiveness, I'm surprised there wasn't a Plan "C" for Clark, with dual-action hoaxiness. First, to fend off whatever threat, and second, to throw Jimmy, Lois, and/or Perry off the scent of his secret identity just by having a Plan "C".

"(CHUCKLE!) IF ONLY LOIS KNEW THAT PLAN "C" WAS A DOUBLE HOAX! THE RED KRYPTONITE IN "CLARK KENT'S" TOP HAT ALLOWED ME TO OVERCOME THE EFFECTS OF BIZARRO MXYZPTLK'S MAGIC, AND OUR APPEARANCE SIDE BY SIDE AT THE COSTUME BALL TAUGHT HER A LESSON ABOUT SNOOPING!"

Beware Morons Bearing Bunnies!

2010-12-01T23:16:00.001-07:00

Whenever a team has a guy named "Prof" or "the Professor" on board, you know the rest of the group are bound to be a bit on the dim side. Professor Mark "Prof" Haley led the Challengers of the Unknown, and former prizefighter Rocky Davis was the dumbest of three dummies who followed him around, if only by virtue of his punch drunkenness. In Challengers of the Unknown #48, the team was checking in on and feeding their enemies, the League of Challenger-Haters, whom they were holding captive on a hidden island prison. When Rocky steps off the jet onto the barren, lifeless soil of the island, and sees a fluffy, white, cotton-tailed bunny rabbit looking up at him with it's bright eyes and twitching whiskers, he questions nothing, and sweeps the bunny up in a loving embrace. If this were any ordinary bunny, Rocky would pet it and stroke it and hug it until it stops moving, just like all his other soft pets; but brother, this is no ordinary bunny!

And so the Challengers of the Unknown were dead forever. No, not really. The Prof figured out that the "magic" compound that Multi-Man used to save Rocky earlier was a simple acid compound, found in powder form in Multi-Man's cell and applied liberally. Then they teamed up with the Doom Patrol in a crossover that continued into Doom Patrol #102.

By the way, that League of Challenger-Haters sure do hate the Challengers, don't they? What a zany bunch. Someone should do an article about them.

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Great Moments in Bad Comics: Daredevil!! In a FAT Suit.

2010-11-28T16:40:00.003-07:00

Here's a panel From Amazing Spider-Man #287, one of the seemingly interminable Gang War storyline. A recently "Born Again" Daredevil is seen here trying to teach Spider-Man complicated moral lessons by posing as the Kingpin and allowing Spider-Man to literally punch his face off in a positively Weisinger-esque hoax sequence. Not one of either heroes' finest moments, but truly a great moment in bad comics.

Too Much Information About Jimmy Olsen's Helmet!

2010-11-16T15:32:00.000-07:00

With friends like Jimmy Olsen, who needs enemies? Jimmy was constantly turning on Superman, or at least appearing to betray his longtime pal. Like that time when he donned the Helmet of Hate, and used Red Kryptonite to turn the man of steel into a wicked, red-skinned devil! It all began one afternoon in the Fortress of Solitude, when Superman was alerted by his allies in the bottle City of Kandor to the approach of a flying saucer manned by members of Braniac's gang. I'm not sure why it couldn't have been Brainiac himself, but maybe he had a clause in his contract excluding him from having to appear in stupid-ass Jimmy Olsen stories. Anyway, Superman goes to investigate, but is repelled by an impenetrable force field:

Stymied, Superman returns to earth, where he finds Jimmy Olsen and the only people more tragic than Jimmy Olsen, Jimmy Olsen fans, waiting for him. Superman performs a “feat of strength” for the assembled idiots, then flies off, having apparently forgotten about the Brainiac twins.

Jimmy has a job, but you’d never know it from the way he spends his day sightseeing with his band of slack jawed followers, playing in museums and having his picture taken. The fan club's next stop is the Superman Museum, where Jimmy borrows some trophies, ostensibly to write an article about them, but more likely in fact to fumble around with and break them. At the Daily Planet, he badgers Perry White into taking his picture with some of the "imitation" trophies, when he starts showing off, fiddling with a complicated alien hate-helmet which, of course, immediately takes control of his feeble brain. Grabbing a Red Kryptonite ray projector, Jimmy starts waving it around, declaring his hatred for Superman:

Superman shows up to see what all the commotion is, and Jimmy trains the red-K ray upon him. The unpredictable energies work their effect upon him, changing him from heroic and strong to an evil, weak, red-skinned devil! As all of this is happening, Boz and Grumm are observing from space, delighted at the situation. Now that Superman is a “devilish chap”, he strikes an unholy bargain with an easily tempted Perry White:

(Choke) Suddenly everyone is turning evil. Superman begins to feel his strength come back, and is regaining the power of flight, when he remembers Boz and Grumm. Soon, the Satan of Steel flies his ginger-tressed tormentor up to the alien saucer, with the wickedest proposition of all!

Boz lets lets the force field down, because, apparently, even an evil Superman’s word is his bond (?!?) and Superman and Jimmy come aboard. Although frankly, the logic is extremely murky here, since if Superman has indeed been turned evil, I would assume that would extend to any oaths he might extend to invading aliens. BUT. For the sake of this story, all appears lost, with Superman HONOR BOUND not to attack, but not so honorable that he isn't ready to press the button that will shrink Metropolis forever!

Surely Superman won't press the shiny red button?

The jolly, candy colored button...?!?

So has Superman really turned evil forever?!? Of course not, stupid. In this case, I really think the caption says it best. "UNEXPECTEDLY..."

Awp indeed, my friend. Boz and Grumm are stunned as a dozen tiny Supermen burst forth from Superman's exploding devil horns! Yes, the whole thing was just an insanely elaborate , prearranged hoax, starting with the anchor that Superman snapped to look like a “J”, initiating "Plan J", a Byzantine scheme involving prop trophies, fake racketeers, disguises, and bogus Mayoral endorsements to gain access to the alien saucer without breaking Superman's precious "word of honor"! But don't worry about Perry White getting that racketeer elected mayor; it turns out that was all part of the plan too:

So the Daily Planet only rushed out a special edition to endorse an undercover agent posing as a racketeer for Mayor of Metropolis. But Superman didn't have to lie to a couple of Braniac's flunkies, so it's all good.

Great Moments in Bad Comics: J.Jonah Jameson is Very Disappointed in You, Perry.

2010-11-14T15:15:00.000-07:00

J. Jonah Jameson is outraged to see Perry White endorsing a crooked racketeer like Tom Remson for Mayor of Metropolis! Or maybe it's just a guy who looks a lot like Jonah. I'd like to think it's a knowing wink to Jonah from artist Curt Swan, but since this panel is from Superman's Pal: Jimmy Olsen #68 (1963), and the Amazing Spider-Man made his debut that same year, that would be impossible. Either way, what would possess Perry White to endorse a crook for Mayor? It's almost as if Perry made a deal with the devil...!

To be continued!

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The Many, Many, Many Bizarre Transformations of Jimmy Olsen!

2010-10-15T00:00:00.002-06:00

I've spent a lot of time here singing the praises of wacky old Silver Age comic books, but oddly enough, I have barely touched on the gold standard of wacky old Silver Age comic books: Superman’s Pal: Jimmy Olsen. With three stories in each issue, His stories initially involved him seeking out scoops and raiding his bottomless disguise trunk, but when that wore thin, the tales got more and more far-out, leading to Jimmy Olsen’s infamous bizarre transformations.

Panels from "The Adventures of Chameleon-Head Olsen"

Bruce Banner may spend a lot more time transforming than Jimmy Olsen does, but at least he only transforms into one thing; Jimmy has morphed into everything but the kitchen sink (unless I missed an issue), sometimes repeating himself, or revisiting an especially popular identity. Olsen has turned into an Elastic Lad, a Future Brain, a Fat Boy, a Genie, a Giant, a Wolf-Boy, a Bizarro, a Human Octopus, a Human Porcupine, an Alien, a fire-breather, Invisible, a Blob, a Robot, an old man, a baby, a gorilla, and a Giant Turtle Man. And I've probably forgotten several.

With only eight to ten pages per story, not much time is wasted on setup. Bonehead Jimmy is usually fooled into drinking some dodgy serum concocted by his absent-minded scientist friend, Professor Potter, or in some cases by some random scientist he's interviewing. Next thing you know? Super Brain!

Sometimes the hapless bow-tied dullard is undone by fumbling around with dangerous artifacts brought back from space by Superman. Sometimes he's been tricked by a yet another fifth-dimensional imp, and sometimes aliens are to blame. But all incidents have one common factor: stupid, stupid Jimmy Olsen gets turned into a freakish, dangerous eyesore for 24 hours,and Superman has to devote all his resources to keeping him from killing himself and/or others.Sorry, murder and robbery victims across the world, Superman is too busy dealing with "Giant Turtle" Olsen to help you right now!

When Jimmy wanted to infiltrate the Bearded Gentlemen’s Club of Metropolis, he drank a tonic handed to him by a stranger, and rather than unconsciousness followed by rape, he actually became a Bearded Boy, in a hairy little episode which we’ve discussed here before!

As if being bearded wasn't bad enogh, he got the obligatory long, white beard of old age when he became an Old Olsen, thanks to the Cabinet from Krypton:

And hey, who hasn’t swapped minds with a gorilla for a day, leaving the gorilla to caper around in their human body while they carry on with their daily business in a gorilla body? Hijinx were ensuing like crazy that one time when Jimmy got his mind swapped with a gorilla, and became the Gorilla Reporter of Metropolis!

Eventually, the silly, charming Silver Age of Superman ran its course, and Jimmy Olsen ran out of steam, creatively and in sales. Jack Kirby came to DC and revamped the title, bringing in his own brand of weirdness. Recently, DC tried to weave Jimmy's transformations into the Countdown storyline, but it wasn't remotely the same. At this point, the beat we can hope for is that Jimmy Olsen can continue to transform into an interesting character for the modern age.

Great Moments In Bad Comics: Jimmy Olsen Gets a Raise

2010-10-11T21:29:00.002-06:00

GOP HOPEFUL PERRY WHITE VOWS TO REPEAL MINIMUM WAGE...REPLACE WITH COAL!

TEA PARTY FAVORITE "IN FAVOR OF" BIZARRO WORLD CUSTOMS.

"Milady, 'Tis the Clobbering Hour."

2010-10-05T20:54:00.002-06:00

I gave Dark Reign: Fantastic Four a pass the first time, all the better to pick it up cheap recently. The alternate-reality hopping tale involves comes a whole slew of alternate FFs, including a Fantastic Royal Family and Chamberlain Grimm. Later, the genteel Chamberlain gets swept up into cross-time adventure with the regular FF, a cowboy FF, a pirate FF, and a World War II era FF. Then things get weird. Unfortunately, with everything else going on, and Norman Osborn in the mix, we don't see too much more of Chamberlain Grimm, but we learn that he can't fly and that he'd rather drink fine wine than grog. He is, in fact, almost out of his element engaging in unseemly gutter fisticuffs:

Dear me, this is a most revolting development.

.

The New Jimmy Olsen Feature is Excellent; Could Use More Gorilla Weddings

2010-09-28T23:16:00.005-06:00

Again With the Comics heartily approves of the new Jimmy Olsen backup feature, soon to debut in Action Comics. The new stories put a modern spin on Superman’s Pal, while reminding us why Superman would want to be friends with a goof like Jimmy in the first place. The writing is sharp, the art is lovely, and the first story sets up an intriguing new world for Jimmy. Chloe Sullivan is introduced to the DC Universe here as well, which is a pretty big deal for Smallville fans, but lost on me. I never did take to Smallville. I like her as a replacement for Lucy Lane, though, as she challenges Jimmy in ways that echo the Silver Age Lucy/Jimmy dynamic, without all the hateful, shrewish stuff.

Best of all, we get a glimpse of a past adventure Jimmy had as a Genie:

Which Hints that maybe his crazy old silver Age adventures haven’t been completely retconned away:

This brief flashback made me think/hope that maybe writer Nick Spencer was inspired by the classic cover to Superman’s Pal: Jimmy Olsen #42, and rather than trying to adapt that story (which was insane and ridiculous), he "micro-updated" Jimmy the Genie to a more modern style. If so, wouldn’t it be great if the new Jimmy Olsen series featured other “neo-flashbacks”; that is, updated reminisces about, say, the time Jimmy traveled to Gorilla City with Superman and Gorilla Grodd's fiancee fell madly in love with him, leading to an unexpeted wedding:

Well, maybe not. But a man can dream, can't he? A man can dream...

Great Moments in Bad Comics: On a Wing and a Swear

2010-09-27T22:00:00.001-06:00

Atlas Comics was a short lived mid-70's publisher, born of a grudge, run as a deliberate knock-off, and dead in five months. They were also known for their early attempt at edgier, more adult material, bringing them into constant conflict with the Comics Code Authority. This page from the Brute #1 was Atlas Comics' admittedly juvenile backlash against the bluenoses. Stick it to the man, Songbird SHI7, stick it to the man.

Great Moments in Bad Comics: The Great Diaper Alien Switcheroo!

2010-09-21T22:18:00.005-06:00

Remember Tiger Boy, the Boy who Hates us all?

Here is Tiger Boy's true Jupiterian form, as seen in Unearthly Spectaculars #1:

And here we see Tiger Boy's true Jupiterian form, as seen in Unearthly Spectaculars #2:

While Gil Kane can draw the hell out of some aliens, I kind of prefer the googly-eyed, diapered potbellies for sheer camp value. Either way, somebody dropped the ball, alien design wise. In fact, in that same (second) issue, the script couldn't even decide whether the Canfields were from Venus or Jupiter! Thank you, Unearthly Spectaculars editor of long ago, for failing to maintain visual continuity, or apparently, even consciousness, for an episodic run of a mere two issues, thus giving me something to complain about over forty years later!

And Then There Was Hank's "Doctor Pym" Phase.

2010-09-14T21:22:00.002-06:00

Recently mentioning Henry "Hank" Pym’s short stint as the Wasp got me thinking about his many other costumed identities, particularly his short-lived time as Doctor Pym, Scientific Adventurer. Pym changed names and personae about as often as his wife changed costumes, and his switches from Ant-Man to Giant-Man to Yellowjacket and back again have been well-covered elsewhere, but I always kind of liked the underrated Doctor Pym identity, and thought it was too bad that more wasn't done with it, hence this "spotlight" on Pym's least appreciated alter-ego, I suppose.

Pym had joined the supporting cast of Steve Englehart’s West Coast Avengers, but was despondent over his many failures as husband and hero. He was depressed and near suicide, when he was stopped by Espirita, (a.k.a. the devoutly religious superheroine formerly-known-as-Firebird, and another West Coast hanger-on). Espirita convinced Hank that he had another path, and helped him realize that while he may not fit in with the heavy-hitters, he could still have a place among the Avengers. Pym changed his focus from changing his own size to shrinking and growing other things, adopting an arsenal of miniaturized tools, weapons, and gear for a variety of uses. He even created a quasi-sentient vehicle named ROVER to travel in, which was also reducible to pocket size.

Calling himself simply “Doctor Pym”, he adopted a plainclothes look consisting first of a trench coat, scarf, and hat. Later, a multi-pocketed jumpsuit replaced the coat, and he took his place among the West Coast Team as their resident scientist. Al Milgrom’s chunky, clunky artwork insured that neither costume looked especially sleek or appealing, but a good idea was there. Doctor Pym eventually got a story arc of his own, one which took him and the WCA to Russia to face some of Ant/Giant–Man’s oldest foes, including an army of Scarlet Beetles, in order to rescue his long lost first wife, Maria Trovaya. At the end of that story, Hank quit the team to work on her recovery from sinister brain experiments, but he returned to the Avengers after Maria turned out to possibly be not Maria but a spy named Olivia, but who knows with mutants involved, who in turn eventually became MODAM.

Unfortunately, after Englehart introduced Doctor Pym, nobody else seemed to know what to do with Him. He may as well have been tech staff in the Avengers, for all he did under other writers, (usually sitting at a console) and he was quickly absorbed into the background before eventually, quietly, reverting to Giant-Man again. I always liked the idea behind “Doctor Pym”, given Hank’s persistent inferiority complex amongst other heroes, but obviously, few others did. I think it made a lot of sense for him to highlight his mind as his superpower over his brawn, and thought that in time he could have become something akin to Brainiac-5 for the Avengers. As I recall, Pym's adopted Wasp identity did incorporate some of the miniature tools and gadgetry of the Doctor Pym era, as well as the know-it-all aspect, but again, Wasp didn’t last long either.

So Pym reverts to Giant-Man again, and the circle of life goes on. See you back here in, oh let's say, early 2012, when it ought to be time for Hank to flip out and go Yellowjacket again!

They Might Be Giant's Students

2010-09-12T16:00:00.001-06:00

Of all the Heroic Age Avengers titles, I think I'm enjoying Avengers Academy the most. Classic Avengers are currently scattered amongst the rosters of the 78 or so monthly books, but Academy boasts a few hitters among its regular teaching staff. Teachers include the unpredictable Quicksilver, the sultry Tigra, troubled Speedball, and Henry Pym, the...winsome Wasp?!? Yes, among his many, many other names, costumes and identities, the Avengers founding father and resident mad genius recently took on his dead wife's name and mantle in a questionable act of tribute. The move, which lasted Pym's tenure as leader of the Mighty Avengers, was the first of many that had even the characters questioning his sanity, and ultimately rejecting his leadership. Now, with Avengers Academy #7, it looks like Pym will reassess the wisdom of that move, and retake the Giant Man Name. Just in time to get a spiffy Mike McKone redesign!

The Unearthly, Spectacular World of Tiger Boy and Company

2010-09-07T21:31:00.000-06:00

Presenting a "Classic" Again With the Comics post from 6/29/06:

UNEARTHLY SPECTACULARS #2 (Harvey Comics, 1966) is one of the crazy-ape bonkers-est comics I own, but I mean that in a good way. With the success of the BATMAN TV show, the rise of Marvel Comics, and a general superhero boom, Harvey and other niche publishers were eager to cash in on the trend. They hired Captain America co-creator Joe Simon to edit and produce the Harvey Giant Size Thrillers line, double-sized comics priced at a then-steep .25 cents, featuring such new super characters as JIGSAW, MAGICMASTER, MIRACLES, INC, JACK Q FROST, SPYMAN and more.

This wasn’t the first time a raft of forgettable, poorly conceived superheroes was pushed onto an already glutted marketplace, and it wasn’t the last. Predictably, the Harvey Giant Size Thrillers only lasted a few issues each.They actually had some good talent, but only sporadically. UNEARTHLY SPECTACULARS #2, for example, had Wally Wood, Gil Kane, and Mike Sekowsky. Whereas numbers 1 and 3? Well, few of the unidentified artists are…um…good. At all.

Anyway, US#2 had my absolute favorite of all these features: TIGER BOY.

And I’m reprinting it here for YOU.

Meet young Master Paul Canfield. Bon-vivant man about town, strutting his stuff in The World’s Ugliest Plaid Jacket! He’s minding his own business, hating all mankind, when he comes upon a couple of thugs doing donuts in front of the library while throwing money out the window and shooting at two airline pilots.

I know the first thing I’d do if I were in that situation: TURN INTO A TIGER.

By the way, he really hates us all. You can tell by the way he shrilly denounces the human race 267 times in this 5-page story.

In a split second (that takes up 10% of the story), Paul Canfield turns into TIGER BOY: The Boy Who Hates Us All!

In panel three, we get too close a look at TB’s bootay, and a thug threatens him with a taste of "good ol’ SPITTIN’ SPARKY"…let’s just move on, shall we?

Wait, what!?! He can turn into a robot too? The HELL? Tiger boy turns out to be full of surprises:

Next, Steelman turns into a stretchy guy named RUBBERMAN. Because, well, apparently a tiger-headed boy who turns into a robot wasn't convoluted enough.

Angrily denouncing the human race, this is where the Rubberman hits the road.

Finally,we see he transforms back into Paul Canfield where he runs into Barry Allen, who demands his jacket back.

“Hi mom! Hi da…AAAaaaaaaAAAAAHHHhhhhhhhHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

The Canfields are Kickin’ it Venutian Style, until Snotnose comes barging in and sucks all the fun outta the room, so they shift back to their human forms. Paul’s manic now, so he puts on a jolly gymnastics show to celebrate ruining their fun.

At this point, it becomes apparent that this story lacks focus.

HesaBOYwhohatesusALLwhoturnsintoaTIGERwhosalsoaROBOTwhosalsoaSTRECHING

MANandOHYEAH,hesalsoanALIENfromVENUSorpossiblyJUPITER,thenarrativeisUNCLEAR!!!

Ohyeahplusyouhaveasisterandifyouevermeetheryou'llbothEXPLODE!!

This story is exhausting. It's like they had 12 new books they wanted to start, but ended up combining them into.....one five-page feature. And they didn't cut anything.

It seems the family was exiled from Jupiter (Weren't they just in their Venutian forms?), then their spaceship crashed, and they lost their powers, so they were powerless to stop his sister when she wandered off and was “Found by somebody who has raised her as their own…”

(If by: “Found by somebody who has raised her as their own..” you mean: “Found by somebody who saw a GIANT F$#*ING BUG Skittering towards them and smashed it’s head in with a shovel...”)

I can honestly say that Tiger Boy is the VERY BEST plaid-jacket-wearing, humanity-hating, crime fighting, tiger-bodied, robotic, stretchable, alien-in disguise, explosive-sister-seeking, teenage hero of ALL TIME!

"The Boy Who Hates Us All"

Originally printed in Unearthly Spectaculars #2, Dec 1966

Art: Gil Kane

What If Robert Crumb Took Over "CATHY"...?

2010-09-02T21:07:00.000-06:00

ACK! Another era ends as the seemingly eternal newspaper strip Cathy ends it's 27-year run this October. I have to give Cathy Guisewite credit for keeping her slice of the unfunnies page for that long and for holding her own in a male dominated industry, but I'm bound to be badly dissapointed in any conclusion that doesn't involve a murder-suicide. And no newspaper comic strip is ever gonna end in murder-suicide. Maybe Funky Winkerbean.

But what if she didn't end it, and instead turned it over to another cartoonist? And, far unlikelier, what if Robert Crumb auditioned for -and got- the job?!? Two misanthropic underground geniuses team up to answer the question no one was asking, and you'll see the answer, when you read "CAFFY!"

This post is Not For Kids and NSFW, as you'll see, after the cut:

"CAFFY!"

Originally printed in HATE #27, 1997

Script: Peter Bagge

Art: Robert Crumb

Thunder Strikes Again

2010-08-08T10:29:00.001-06:00

I know at least one Again With the Comics reader who will be glad to hear that Thunderstrike by Tom DeFalco and Ron Frenz is due to return in November. Thunderstrike was Eric Masterson, a former Thor supporting character who became Thor's secret identity for a period of time, and eventually scabbed for Thor during one of those periods when Thor was in time-out for ungodly behavior. When the original Thor returned, Marvel spun the Masterson character off into his own book and superhero identity, Thunderstrike:

The book was pretty good, but it just didn't last that long, and the final issue ended with Eric's death. He left behind a son, Kevin, who inherited the Thunderstrike mace in the alternate future of MC2 (Spider-Girl's time-line), and became the Thunderstrike of that possible future's A-Next team of Avengers:

But that was only a "possible" future, and has since been designated "Earth-982" by the internet obsessives who apparently decide these things. Should Kevin pick up the mantle of Thunderstrike in today's Marvel Universe, it would give Marvel a teenage Thor spin-off character just in time for movie, while conveniently dusting off the trademark. One way or the other, look for Thunder to Strike again in November.

Jada Pinkett Smith's Menace II Comics

2010-08-01T20:50:00.001-06:00

Back when my wife was still just my girlfriend, she talked me into buying Jada Pinkett Smith's Menace for her. I think she saw an ad for it in an issue of Supreme, and wanted to see what kind of comic Jada would cook up. I, being wary of celebrity vanity comics, and more especially of Rob Liefeld product, agreed to order Menace for my dear, with the caveat that she not get her hopes set too high regarding quality or quantity. She, in turn, accused me of being a "comic snob". Me!

How about this guy's CROWN HAIR? How does he get away with crown hair while Dill, the ostensible boss, has relatively unremarkable dreads? It smacks of insubordination.

The finished product was mean-spirited, dark and ugly, and she didn't much like it. Which is how I ended up with a copy of the one and only published issue of "Menace" in my collection, despite all odds. Riding in at the near-death of the Direct market and amid the "Bad Girl" comics craze, Menace was published after two years of planning and finagling with the actress, according to the text page. I remember how Rob Liefeld spent much of the 90's crowing about how he was this close to inking various major movie and comic deals with Will Smith. I'm pretty sure Menace was the biggest "real" thing that ever came out of all of that talk and scheming.

Drawn by Dan "still answers Rob's phone calls" Fraga, Menace takes about three minutes to read, yet leaves you regretting those minutes for days afterward.

Menace begins on "AN URBAN STREET, SOMEWHERE IN THE U.S."

Three scantily clad Bad Girls are snorting coke inside a Humvee, we know this, because there are little pictures of cocaine piles, vials, and razor blades decorating the borders for no particular reason. The year is 1998, and this is an AWESOME comic, folks.

"Crystal, Taffy... Let's do this." Everybody in this comic has only one, "thug" name, by the way. Spiked heels hit the asphalt, and the three proceed via double page spread to Club Styles, where they meet "Dill" an unsavory fellow indeed. Menace sells a suitcase of cocaine to Dill, then offers herself to Dill, then kills Dill, stealing back the money and the cocaine in some sort of underworld retribution thing. Then the three girls escape with both drugs and cash. Then their boss, "Black", has Menace killed in a drive-by, because he's evil and drugs is why.

The EMTs do their best to save her, taking care to avoid covering her taut, heaving breasts with bandages, or medical equipment, but to no avail. She is dying, but not before a leather-clad angel rises from between her pert busoms, promising redemption.

Then, she dies, and immediately wakes up screaming...in her own grave! No cliche is left unturned in Menace. Having been conveniently buried in wicked kewl fetish gear, Menace is reborn as an avenging angel of mercy, revenge or healing or some combination of the three, per Liefeld's babbling in the text page. She shall seek redemption for her evil ways, despite having in no way expressed remorse for her actions at any point in the course of this story. At least she would have sought redemption, had Liefeld not spotted something shiny over there in the grass, and scampered off to see what it was. Or maybe Jada lost interest when it failed to be immediately profitable. Celebrity vanity comics often vanish abruptly when Hollywood big fish realize what a very small pond the comics industry really is. As it was, Menace only ever saw the one issue published, and the titular Bad Girl will never begin, let alone finish, her vaguely defined quest. And we'll never see that crown-hair guy again either.

PS: Everyone should watch Jada Pinkett Smith's HawthoRNe on TNT!

Please don't sue me! I have no money!!

A Scooby Doo Comic by...Ivan Brunetti ?!?

2010-07-27T12:57:00.001-06:00

My son is getting quite a collection of comics in his own right, and going through his books recently, I found this strange and wonderful thing: a Scooby Doo story drawn by alternative cartoonist Ivan Brunetti. Which was pretty amusing to me, since I mainly know Brunetti from his sick and wrong series of "Schizo" comic books he did for Fantagraphics in the 1990's. In all honesty, I can't recommend Schizo, or it's collection Misery Loves Company to Scooby Doo fans, but I can recommend it to mature, misanthropic readers who like their humor dark.

An immensely talented cartoonist who has since become lauded in the altcomix field, Brunetti combined a classically influenced style of bigfoot cartooning with sick, taboo humor. His self loathing, multi-page rants were made palatable by the zany cartoons, but the man obviously was working out some real issues, albeit in an entertaining manner. How odd then, to see his art on an innocuous Scooby Doo comic. And here it is:

"Scooby Snooze!"
Script: Chris Duffy
Art: Ivan Brunetti
Story scanned from Scooby Doo vol.1: You Meddling Kids!, DC Comics (September 2003).

So Far, the Best News Out of SDCC 2010 Involves a Racoon and a Tree.

2010-07-23T18:14:00.001-06:00

Yes, please. Rocket Raccoon and Groot, January 2011.

One Other Moment in Time

2010-07-20T09:38:00.002-06:00

"One Moment in Time" is set to begin this week in Amazing Spider-Man #638, and as the complaining begins, let us take a moment to look back at the classic original story that will be undone by this twist in the established continuity. Unlike today's "OMIT", hacked out by the egotistical, unpopular* Editor in Chief, surely Amazing Spider-Man Annual #21 was a timeless classic, crafted by the most caring artisans with a keen eye toward the past and future integrity of the character, right? Well, not so much, actually.

Far from an organic event borne from the ongoing Amazing Spider-Man storyline, The Wedding was a rather abrupt and unnatural turn of events, engineered by Jim Shooter, the egotistical, unpopular* EIC of Marvel at the time in response to events in the Spider-Man newspaper comic strip. The wedding was originally conceived when Stan Lee, reacting to declining newspaper circulation, decided to shake things up in the Spider-Man strip by marrying Peter and MJ. That may have made sense in the strip continuity, where they were a longtime couple, but in the comic books, Mary Jane had only recently returned to the book after years of absence, and further, had returned with the bombshell that she knew Peter's secret identity, and had known for years. The two were still dealing with these relatively new facts. Tom DeFalco and Ron Frenz had been the regular creative team circa 1986, and DeFalco's last issue, #284 showed MJ still dealing with grave misgivings about Peter's dual life, and about her ability to deal with it. She kept up her party girl facade, but was terrified of Peter's dangerous double life and was thinking of leaving New York again. Apparently, editorial decisions led to the team being ousted at issue #285, and abruptly, the next time we saw her in issue #286 she was bubbly, flirty, and Spidey-supportive. In ASM #290, Peter proposed to MJ, and after some hemming-and-hawing, she accepted. Shooter had learned of Stan's plan, and decided that the comic books must trump the comic strip, and the stage was set for a wedding, including a big publicity push with an actual "wedding ceremony" at Shea Stadium, officiated by Stan Lee.

Amusingly, the printed story comes off as half-hearted, at best. After spending several pages in battle with Electro, Peter and MJ spend the rest of the story internally moaning and groaning about the upcoming nuptials. Peter mopes about Gwen Stacy for the ten millionth time and has a goofy dream sequence while MJ is tempted by a cheesy mullet guy in a ferrari who dangles champagne and Chippendales models before her to sway her from boring wedded life.

All of this took place in 1987, long before the internet, so as a reader, I wasn't privy to the behind the scenes stuff, and was jolted by the suddenness of it all. This was far from the first time a comics company has let the tail wag the dog, but in this case, given the significance and weight of the Spidey newspaper strip over time, the dog was a great dane and the tail was bobbed. I and other readers adjusted soon enough, but as time went by, Peter's subplot potential dwindled to "bickering with MJ about money" and "MJ is being stalked for the 37th time" with other subplot possibilities becoming more and more contrived.

Ultimately, this led to more and more fantastical subplots that simply focused on the superhuman side of Spidey's life, like the infamous clone saga, Spider-totems, altered powers, and Gwen Stacey's Norman Osborn offspring. Spider-Man's personal life and civilian supporting cast dwindled away until the books became all about Spider-man, with Peter seeming to be an afterthought. In many ways the marriage turned out to be a bad and misguided move for the character.

So when it was decided to finally undo the marriage, as a longtime reader, I recalled how it was forced into the storyline in the first place by editorial fiat, and how it never has fit, and I wasn't entirely against a change. The question was always HOW do you undo the two characters' marriage without doing further damage? That's where the current regime stunned me by going in the worst possible direction by having Spider-Man make a bargain with a Satan analogue to undo his marriage in order to save Aunt May's life. Of all the morally neutral options (cosmic reset, time paradox, magic) in their toolbox, I'm baffled that they went with Mephisto, but I guess it got the job done, and now they can patch up the cracks with "One Moment in Time". I suppose we'll see how well that works out, starting this Wednesday.

* Relax, I'm not being entirely serious here. There are a lot of good things to say about both of these guys.

Pages scanned from Amazing Spider-Man Annual #21, art by Paul Ryan and Vince Colletta

Kirby Saw it Koming!

2010-07-16T11:17:00.002-06:00

In OMAC, Jack Kirby imagined a bizarre dark future where mankind's base appetites were fed by far-flung technological excess. In his cautionary tale, outlaw corporations produced scientific horrors that required a One Man Army Corps to set things right. OMAC #1 was originally published in 1974, and at the time, was apparently a bit too far out and fantastical. The book was canceled after eight issues, but I contend that Kirby was ahead of his time, and that OUR world is slowly turning into OMAC's world!

The first issue introduced us to Buddy Blank, a faceless nobody working at Pseudo People Incorporated. After being bullied by a co-worker, Blank is sent to the "Psychology Section":

That scene was the very first thing that came to mind when I saw this story about a Chinese frustration venting chamber on Boing Boing recently:

But that's not the only future prediction that Kirby pegs in this issue. Buddy later is transformed into OMAC to bust up the Pseudo People factory when he finds out that the "Build-A-Friends" that the factory produces are being used as assassination devices!

Yes, Kirby was once again presaging the existence of a horrifying reality, in this case the RealDoll. Although at least no one has figured out how to make a RealDoll into a WMD (yet).

Now, I know it won't be long before some evil rich bastard manages to buy an entire city as his personal debauched playground...

Or before some withered old megabuck$ sickos figure out a way to transplant their brains into stolen young bodies so they can live forever...

But you know it's gonna happen sooner or later. In the world that's coming, we're gonna need OMAC: One Man Army Corps!

Lex and Death

2010-07-13T22:24:00.000-06:00

Well, it looks like Lex Luthor will be having a close brush with Death of the Endless in Action Comics #894, and not Swamp Thing as I recently speculated. That's obviously an even bigger coup for Paul Cornell, and apparently he has Neil Gaiman's blessing to use her, so the legendary Vertigo embargo will be broken for the first time in twelve years as Lex crosses over to the Other Side in his ongoing arc. The "Other Side" being Vertigo or the afterlife, depending on how you look at it. Sandman characters last crossed with the DCU in 1998's JLA #22, when Daniel, the then-new Dream led the JLA into the dreamworld to combat a Starro creature invading humanity's subconsciousness.

My, how time flies. Why, that's way back when DC was still pretending that Kyle Rayner was going to last as Green Lantern:

As I recall, Grant Morrison was a Kyle-as-Green Lantern booster, as was I, but we all know how that turned out. Back to the subject at hand, I like to see some crossover between the DC and Vertigo universes. Let's see if Action Comics #894 opens the door for more.

Fired and Hired!

2010-07-12T13:46:00.000-06:00

Sorry about the recent lack of posting around here, folks, but as regular readers may be aware, your friendly neighborhood blogger has been besieged by real-life concerns of late. I lost my engineering job last May, and since then, I've been pounding the (virtual) pavement looking for another one, to the detriment of Again With the Comics. Well, my severance pay ran out on July 6th, and lucky duck that I am, I was informed on July 7th that a job interview from the previous week paid off, and I now have a new, better paying job. In these harsh economic times, that is a huge relief. The good news for you, dear reader, is that I can now focus on what really matters: comic books. "Normal" service shall resume shortly!

Swampy Vesus Baldy?

2010-06-25T10:06:00.001-06:00

Time now for another crackpot theory, this time from the DC Universe. I've been long hoping that Swamp Thing would return to the DCU after a long, long sojurn in the adults-only Vertigo imprint, if only because I feel Vertigo done everything that can be done with the character in the adult horror "mold", and DC could stand to return him to his "roots" for awhile. Rumors have been swirling that exactly that will soon be happening, with everything from a new ST title set firmly in the DCU to an appearance in Ethan Van Sciver's alleged Plastic Man series (which itself seems unlikely to happen, Swamp Thing or no) as the vehicle for that return.

Well, I don't know about any of that, but my money is on the big green guy running into Lex Luthor before he meets anyone else. a Luthor/Swamp Thing pairing was one of many possibilities pitched by J. Michael Straczynski for Brave and the Bold back before he began writing the book. I don't know if he still has dibs, but I couldn't help but notice a quote in this interview with Paul Cornell which hints at Cornell's plans for Lex during his run of Lex solo stories in Action Comics:

"To name just a few of the villains we’ve got lined up… in the forbidding terrain of Antarctica, Lex will face off against Deathstroke. He’ll match brains and brawn with Vandal Savage, leading to a crossover with SECRET SIX. He’ll find himself the target of Larfleeze, the Orange Lantern, himself still lusting for power. And he’ll match his own savagery against that of Gorilla Grodd. That battle leads to an encounter with a really unexpected character. And we’ve held back a few of the most interesting and surprising names he’ll be going up against."

Nothing definite there, but given that Swampy has a score to settle with Lex, who knows? I personally would rather see that sort of "soft reintroduction" than a full-blown series with the JLA showing up in the first issue, the Titans in the second, and a parade of guests thereafter. Either way, I predict Swamp Action in Action Comics, or Swamp Bravery in Brave and the Bold.

Good News, Everyone! Futurama Returns Tonight!

2010-06-24T11:01:00.000-06:00

The greatest animated TV show of all time is back on TONIGHT. This almost got past me, but FUTURAMA returns to Comedy Central after seven long, long years, and even though this is short notice, if I can help one person experience the glory of Futurama, it will be worth it! There's lots more official information here, meatbags. Miss it at your peril.

Classic Justice Guild of America Covers from Days Never-Gone-By!

2010-06-22T21:01:00.001-06:00

Fans of the Justice League animated series may remember the Justice Guild of America, that show's analogue for the Justice Society of America. The group of golden age crime fighters hailed from a parallel universe to the Justice League's, though Green Lantern John Stewart only knew them from comic books he had read as a child.

Well, regular AWtC reader Cabin Campbell speculated what some of those comics might have looked like, and the results were 100% golden-agey goodness! I'm a sucker for photoshopped old comic covers, and Cabin has done some nice work here:

Cabin also contorts other classic covers at his online gallery.
Check it out!

Spider-Man: Gorilla Suit Stunt Double!

2010-06-14T08:45:00.001-06:00

Who says Peter Parker needs a photography job? As Spider-man, he has experience in the lucrative and fast-paced field of Gorilla Suit stunt-work. "The only hard thing about this job...is wearing a hot gorilla suit!" You said it Spidey! Hmmm...This gives me some ideas about my OWN future. I think a handsome, striking gorilla suit might be just what I need to make that extra special impression during my next job interview!

For the mystified, here's some information on The Electric Company. Believe it or not, this was pretty much Spidey's biggest media tie-in at the time!

"The Stand-In!"
Script:Steven Grant
Art: Winslow Mortimer
Story scanned from Spidey Super Stories #54, Marvel Comics (September 1981).

As Far as I Know, This was the Only Time Spider-Man Ever Fought the Porcupine.

2010-06-10T22:21:00.004-06:00

Easy Reader says: "This blog post is Easy to Read!"

I like the Porcupine. He is one of my favorite "lame" Marvel villains! But he never fought Spider-Man. That's too bad, because I also like Spidey! Recently, I got a new old comic book. It was easy to read! It also had Spider Man fighting Porcupine! Here is how Porcupine got started:

Spidey Super Stories #54 was very exciting! It had a story called "Medusa On The Run!". In the story, Spidey is trying to stop Medusa from stealing drugs. Then they team up to stop the Porcupine from stealing money! That's because money is more important than anything.

Now read! It's easy!!

Review: The Bulletproof Coffin

2010-06-05T13:12:00.001-06:00

Have you ever had a dream where you're exploring an unfamiliar house and your subconscious wanderings bring you into a secret room full of rare and never-before-seen miracle dream comics? I sure have. Now with The Bulletproof Coffin (Image; $3.99; 6 issues), we have a noir murder mystery set in the world of one of those wonderfully weird dreams.

In The Bulletproof Coffin, Steve Newman, assigned to clean out a dead man's house, stumbles onto a treasure trove of toys and comics, including a stack of mysterious David Hine and Shaky Kane Golden Nugget comic books. It seems Hine and Kane produced several years of bizarre, unforgettable comic books for Golden Nugget Publications from 1956 until the firm was sold out in 1962, and the two creators were split forever. Newman is thrilled at the discovery of dozens of previously unpublished issues of Coffin Fly, Red Wraith, Ramona, Queen of the Stone Age, and the Unforgiving Eye from after the supposed cancellation, and takes them home, only to discover a mystery behind the murder of the old hermit who owned the house, and indeed behind the very existence of the comics themselves.

Of course, the real David Hine and Shaky Kane did no such books in the 1950's and 60's, presumably had not even been born yet, but that doesn't stop them from weaving metafictional comics by metafictional silver age versions of themselves into The Bulletproof Coffin. Both came up in the British comics scene of the 1980's, and while the real David Hine is a relative newcomer to American comics, he has made a name for himself as a writer here in the last decade. The "real" Shaky Kane's work was all-too-scarce in America, seen only in Deadline USA, and a few issues of Doom Patrol in the mid-90's. It's a real pleasure to see him back to drawing comics, and drawing them really well, with this series. Fans of oddball Brit comics will recall he had a frenetic, Kirby-on-acid style, but he currently has developed a very appealing Geoff Darrow influence as well.

Each issue also promises to have a Golden Nugget comic-within-a-comic included, as with the first issue's "the Unforgiving Eye", which reads like and EC Comic on hallucinogens. This is great stuff, and frankly, right up my alley. Welcome back, Shaky!

Playing Catch-Up

2010-06-02T22:11:00.006-06:00

I've shamefully fallen behind on my blogging duties. Here are a few items I've wanted to comment on, in breif:

Red-Faced: Okay, so my Red Hulk Theory was dead wrong. On the other hand, I did presage Glenn Talbot returning. It didn't help that they dragged the story on two years past that original post. I actually had a real sick feeling it was General Ross when Red Hulk and Banner agreed that Ross had to die, then Red Hulk "killed" Ross in the Redeemer armor later. That screamed "LMD fakeout" to me. Lots of questions remain to be answered, not the least of which is, where does Thaddeus' gigantic walrus mustache disapear to when he Rulks out?

Arrow-Pology: I sure hope that my recent article about Green Arrow didn't encourage anyone into buying the Justice League: Rise and Fall Special or any of the rising/falling/dead cat junkie-beating follow-up hijinx. I've been reading them in the store, and my, is they crappy. I guess the whole point with Green Arrow was to get him back to his unmarried, urban hunter status, while at the same time, setting him up in a magical forest of mystery. His killing of Prometheus was swept under the rug so quickly, I can't image what the point was in the first place. And I guess the point with Rise Of Arsenal was to put the Arse back in Arsenal.

Swamped: I kind of hope this rumor is true. I mean, I have wanted to see the Swamp Thing return to the DC Universe, but the quality of the DCU has been iffy lately,and if they bring the whole stable of Vertigo-ized DC characters back at once, someone's liable to stick Shade, the Changing Man into that Titans: Villains for Hire piece of shit. A real "be careful what you wish for" case, to be sure.

Serious: Speaking of fecal particulars, I am so glad Deathstroke and his band of bad ass Titans killed temporary Atom Ryan Choi, in their crappy debut "special", or I wouldn't have known they "meant business". Yes, this sure to be cancelled-within-a-year group of assassins needed a major kill to cement their rep, and now that they've bagged an Atom, the rest of the DC Universe is gonna...ZZZZZZZZzzzz

... Wha? Huh? Sorry, I dozed off. Anyway, good thing Ryan Choi won't be around to serve as a useful character in the future, or be re-used by another writer. Not like he had any utility or potential, now that the white guy is back, right?

Heroic: So far, I am digging the Heroic Age. I still can't wrap my head around the idea of Spidey and Wolverine as Avengers, but I am old, and here we are. Still too many Avengers books, though, and damn them for putting the Thing and Stuart Immonen on the one that would otherwise be most disposable!

Happy (Bizarro) Halloween!

2010-05-24T01:00:00.006-06:00

Selection scanned from "The Halloween Pranks of the Bizarro Supermen!", Adventure Comics #294, March 1962.

RELATED POST: A Beginner's Guide to the Bizarro World!

I Want This: Giant Validus Dolly!

2010-05-21T09:35:00.004-06:00

OMG, you guys! Now I really have a motivation to stay employed! This awesome giant Validus action figure is the "Build-A-Figure" for Mattel's DC Universe Classics Wave 15, the rest of which can be seen at Action Figure Insider. I love and loathe those damnable BAFs in equal measure - I don't necessarily get every figure in every line, so I end up with a lot of stray torsos and legs. Luckily, wave 15 looks to be a good mix of characters I want (I could do without another Martian Manhunter, though), so I won't mind getting the whole set, and Validus looks like the best BAF since Chemo! The DCUC figures may be the finest superhero toys ever crafted, but they are costing me a fortune! Mattel, you bastards - how I love you!

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Whatever Happened to the Blog of Tomorrow?

2010-05-20T13:46:00.001-06:00

Hiya folks! Sorry I left you all hanging there for a few weeks, but good ‘ol crappy, miserable “real life" has been doing a number on your friendly neighborhood Blogger-Man. I’m going to be out of a job at the end of May, so I’ve been polishing up the old resume and casting it about the job sites hoping to scare up a new job, but no dice so far. I’ve also been on the receiving end of some swell verbal abuse from my own father, who has disowned me for my (lefty-but-not-especially-radical) political views. He’s one of these delightful “Tea Party” fellows you’ve been hearing about, and he recently took it upon himself to scream at me and declare our relationship “forever changed” for not following in his right-wing footsteps! Imagine what he would have said if I’d gotten a word in edgewise! Not that I’ve ever tried to change his mind; all I’ve really wanted from him was for him to come over, be nice, and play with his grandson, but apparently, having a mind of my own is a bridge too far. If you think you’ve heard too much about the Tea Party, try being lectured about Libertarianism for over twenty years. BUT… problem solved! Because we're no longer talking.

ANYWAY, all of this turmoil has been pretty stressful and depressing, and not too conducive to writing wacky articles about “Matter-Eater Lad”. Happily, my real family – my wife and son- are here for me, and she told me to get back to my blog, so here I am. I’m not done with comics, by any means. I still read ‘em, and I still want to talk about ‘em, and I will be, SOON. I just hope you're still with me, gentle reader... it wouldn't be the same without you!

Dairy Products Gone Bad!

2010-05-02T15:31:00.016-06:00

By unpopular demand (one guy requested them, and he's pretty unpopular) here's a look at those intolerant lactose products, Milk and Cheese! Created in the late 1980's by talented cartoonist Evan Dorkin, there's not much more to this demented duo than meets the eye: an alcoholic, rampaging carton of milk teamed with an equally drunken and misanthropic wedge of cheese, rampaging through a series of comic strips in which they insult and violently assail everyone in sight! The Samson of Spite and the Hercules of Hate filled page after page of several comics doling out beatings to a host of miscreants from all walks of life before Dorkin seemingly ran out of targets. Fun!!

And remember kids, being an alcoholic may be a blast, but GIN...Gin makes a man mean.

Only one thing scares Milk and Cheese: SEX.

Bonus! A mighty Milk and Cheese PIN UP!

Award!

2010-04-29T09:54:00.003-06:00

I got an award!

Thanks to longtime virtual chum Joe Bloke of Grantbridge Street and Other Misadventures for the Kreativ Blogger award! It's going on my mantel next to my Dardos Award, My Nobel Peace Prize, my Oscar, and my Cable ACE award. Check out his ripping good blog while you're at it. For one thing, it has more pictures of sexy babes ("fit birds" as they call 'em across the pond) than this one has. Real life has made it harder to find time for blogging and reading other blogs, but I sure appreciate any recognition sent my way. Cheers, mate!

Update: 6/10/10
So, a little more than a month later, I get a second Kreativ Blogger Award, this time from the wall-crawling Spider-Man Reviewed blog. Thanks, "Cryptic Critic"!

Krypto's Cat-Crook Caper!

2010-04-18T21:52:00.004-06:00

Just about a year ago, we discussed Krypto the Superdog's career with the Space Canine Patrol Agents at length, first here, then here. But there was one more tail yet to be told. It is a story of failure and redemption; of rodeos, hot dogs, and fund-raisers; of cats and dogs living together in harmony. It is a tale called "Krypto's Cat-Crook Caper!", presented here complete and uncut for the first time since 1966. Enjoy the Space Canine madness, pals!

"Krypto's Cat-Crook Caper!"
Script:Otto Binder
Art: George Papp
Story scanned from Superboy #132, DC Comics (October 1966)
(from the M. Coco library)

Strike Up the Band for Our 500th Post!

2010-04-14T09:26:00.003-06:00

Has it been five hundred of these things already? My God! What have I done?!?

I am truly surprised that I have stuck with this so long, but here we are, almost four years old, with a fairly substantial body of work. If you're new to Again With the Comics, my name is Brian Hughes, and I've been reading funnybooks all my life. Babbling about them on the internet feeds my ego in a sad, sick way, and apparently a bunch of you get something out of this too. Yay co-dependence!

Big thanks go out to my readers, followers, commenters, and to all those who link to this blog. The comics blogosphere is a big place, with a lot of great work, so I appreciate any portion of time you devote to Again With the Comics, you guys! Newer readers may have missed some of the best stuff from the recent past, though, so here's a handy list of some recent hits:

Be haunted by some Deeply Disturbing Hostess Ads!

Visit The Bearded Gentlemen's Club of Metropolis!

Behold the forgotten FREE Marvel Benefit issue!

He's SO DIFFERENT from the original Superman from Krypton!! The Future Superman of 2965!

Blast off to adventure, or the Emergency Room, with Dynamite Thor!

Please to joining Superman, Spider-Man, Batman, and Nagraj in fighting manic magic midget!

Mock the many shortcomings of Newspaper Comic Strip Spider-Man and his Lame Villains!

1993's Marvel Superstars of Tomorrow: Today! (Originally published October 2009!)

Marvel at bang up Mister Muscles' thrilling displays of physical strength and power!

Beware mysterious doors, reader, for they might lead to tedious paperwork...IN THE FUTURE!

And then there was that time the Punisher crushed Wolverine with a steam roller.

With that, I'd like to open the comments up for topic suggestions. I'm only one guy, and it gets a bit hard to come up with new things to write about, so with that in mind, what would you like to see me discuss, dear readers? What crazy old character/book are you dying to hear my opinion of? Any bright ideas, smart guy? I make no promises, but I'll consider any reasonable request! Let me know in the comments!

The Quatro drum & bugle corps appear courtesy of Baron and Rude's Nexus #27, a fine issue of a series I still haven't raved enough about yet.

The Doom Patrol Gets Bugged

2010-04-08T09:44:00.002-06:00

(SPOILERS for Doom Patrol #9.)

Having recently praised Grant Morrison's Doom Patrol, let me hasten to add the the current Doom Patrol series by Keith Giffen and Matthew Clark has also been a dream come true for your humble host. I am a sucker for the DP in general, as well as a Giffen fan, so it's almost as if this book was custom made for me specifically. In Doom Patrol #9, it looks like we get some surprisising new additions to the supporting cast, one of which comes as something of an ambush...

I was afraid that Once-Crazy-Now-Sane Jane and Danny the Brick might be "Doomed" after they re-appeared in DP #7 and 8, pursued by the Gentrifiers, who had bulldozed and built over the other-dimensional Planet Danny. It looks like they'll be settling on Oolong island though, and further, it looks like Ambush Bug will be moving into a rebuilt Danny the Bungalow as well! Why? Read the button, fanboy!

This should be a lot of fun, returning the Bug to his roots as a pest within the DC Universe, after a couple of decades of being consigned to only his own, increasingly bizarre books. Longtime fans will recall that the Bug made his debut as a manic, pesky villain against Superman and the Doom Patrol in DC Comics Presents #52, so this is like coming home for him after that recent misfire of a mini-series. Indeed, the Bug was doing Deadpool's "annoy serious heroes" shtick long before Deadpool was a gleam in Rob Liefeld's beady little eye.

So let me Ambush you one more time, and Bug you to buy Doom Patrol!

Hostess Villains I Want to See in the Actual Comics!

2010-04-06T10:58:00.000-06:00

Some Hostess villains are too good to be consigned to snack cake ad limbo. They ought to be used in actual comics, and I think Marvel, at least, owns the rights to their Hostess characters. Only one has made it from the ads to the "real' Marvel Universe.

ICEMASTER showed up in the Crimson Cowl's Masters of Evil during the early issues of Thunderbolts. Kurt Busiek put a whole host of obscure villains on the Cowl's team, and made a contest of identifying the members. In order to make it tough, he added Icemaster from the above Fruit Pie ad, and thus, the frosty Human Torch foe became "official". If they can do it for him, they can do it for these other Hostess highlights:

THE DING-A-LING FAMILY

Everyone loves hillbillies. A space-faring clan of buck-toothed hillbillies traveling the cosmos in a time-warping motor home was sheer genius, and pairing them off against Thor and the flowery-talking Asgardians was the perfect comedic match. In fact, I suspect this strip was the inspiration for Thor's current adventures in and above Oklahoma.The obvious next step? Bring in the Ding-a-Lings!

THE FLEA-MARKET EATING FLEA

With hideous, blood sucking freaks more popular than ever, it's time for the Flea Market Eating Flea to return. I'm thinking that these people should be very grateful that this abomination is just eating their old paperbacks and auto parts, then Twinkies, rather than feasting on the flea's typical food source: rich warm blood! Small consolation that the Hanta Virus would be a non-issue with this guy; a bite from a flea this big would be fatal, mitigating the risk of infection entirely in lieu of a gushing chest wound. That guy in the jaunty straw boater won't be so happy when he gets back to his stall and finds a slimy heap of quivering flea larvae laid in his back stock of velvet Jesus and Dogs-Playing-Poker wall hangings.

THE FABULOUS FURRY FREAK BROTHERS

Phineas and Fat Freddy should have waited for Freewheelin' Franklin, but you know how it is with the munchies...

LEGAL EAGLE

An evil lawyer trying to usurp Presidential power through legal trickery, Ralph G Fake could serve as a metaphor for oh so many current day issues. They could even do a story where he tries to delegitimize the sitting, duly-elected president with a bunch of crazy baseless lawsuits questioning his citizenship! Oh wait, we already have a wrinkly, crazy buzzard lady trying to do that for real. Never mind.

THE CHAIRMAN

You know, I'm not sure a crime was even committed here. Is there a law against turning people into chairs?

PEACHY KEEN

I figure if Batman can have villains that are obsessed with jokes, birds, cats, duality, and riddles, then his across-town rival can have a villain that's obsessed with peaches. Fair is fair, after all.

BIG MOUTH

There must have been something about the boringness of Captain Mar-Vell that inspired Hostess ad writers to give him the wackiest adversaries, because, well, look at his guy. A world that has room for MODOK, Arnim Zola, and Mojo can surely find a niche for a giant disembodied mouth with little bitty hands, no?

Best Comics Ever: Doom Patrol by Morrison and Case

2010-03-17T10:25:00.004-06:00

The Doom Patrol has long been a favorite DC team, ever since I was introduced to them in The New Teen Titans #13, back in 1981. That issue kicked off a three-part storyline that reintroduced the Brotherhood of Evil and Robotman to the DC Universe, as well as explaining Changeling’s ties to the Doom Patrol. I found this then-forgotten super-team to be intriguing, and set out to discover more. Over the next few years, I accumulated a scattered sampling of Doom Patrol back-issues and reprints that kept me interested in this team of squabbling misfits.

In 1987, DC decided to revive the title, written by Paul Kupperberg and drawn by Steve LIghtle, Erik Larsen, and Graham Nolan. It was okay, but I recall being somewhat disappointed, as it was basically just another teen superhero team. Then issue #19 came, and with it a new creative team. While I knew nothing of Richard Case, I was already familiar with Grant Morrison from his work on Animal Man, a book I had tried and been bowled over by, so I was certainly willing to give him a shot on a book I wanted to like more than I did. Richard Case was an assistant to Walt Simonson early in his career, and his solid but quirky style was an excellent complement to Morrison's far-out scripts. Not too weird and not too staid, Case could be counted on to draw any insane thing that the script called for in a way that made it look perfectly believable.

Morrison and Case immediately made the book their own, using the just completed Invasion series as a catalyst to cripple or de-power most of the previous team, and to send Cliff Steele to the mental hospital. Issue #19 introduced new readers to a depressed and demoralized Cliff, then introduced him to Kay Challis, another victim of the gene bomb who would come to be known as Crazy Jane. Kay had been institutionalized with multiple personality disorders that were the result of paternal rape and general abuse. The gene bomb caused her to develop a stunning and deadly array of superpowers, one for each of her 64 personalities. Doctor Will Magnus, visiting Cliff, saw that the two might be able to help heal each other and introduced them. Meanwhile, Larry Trainor was also present, recuperating from an explosion suffered during the invasion. He is first seen flirting with his female doctor, when the negative energy being appears at his window, whispering to be let in. It then merges itself with Larry and Doctor Poole, forming the bizarre alchemical hermaphrodite, Rebis.

Cliff Steele meets Kay (Crazy Jane) Challis. From Doom Patrol #19

“Crawling From the Wreckage” was the first story arc of Morrison’s Doom Patrol, and it set the stage for what was to come. As the team formed, signs and portents throughout the world pointed to strange new threats emerging. The Scissormen emerged into reality, heralding the invasion of the imaginary kingdom of Orquith. A complete overwrite of reality was thwarted when Rebis confronted the rulers of the city with the paradox of their own existence, and they vanished when they realized they couldn’t possibly be real. This push-and-pull between the possible and impossible would characterize Morrison’s tenure.

The group agreed to remain a team, and The Chief, Robotman, Crazy Jane, and Rebis became the newest incarnation of the Doom Patrol. Joshua Clay stayed on as support, in order to help monitor the comatose Rhea Jones, and they were soon joined by Dorothy Spinner, an ape-faced teenager who could bring her thoughts to life, but had trouble controlling her creations. In broadest terms, Morrison’s Doom Patrol followed very standard and traditional superhero plotting tropes. A team was formed, a support team established, interpersonal conflict and subplots were advanced, supervillains and mad gods were fought, there was a space adventure, escalating threats, and an apocalyptic finale. It is only on closer examination that we see how each trope was twisted nearly beyond recognition to create an entirely new beast with familiar bones.

Issues 23 and 24 saw Rhea stolen away by an interdimensional madman, Red Jack, who claimed at once to be both God and Jack the Ripper. Once rescued, it is discovered that Rhea is mutating into something else, though Doctor Caulder admits that he has no idea what that may be. We would find out soon, as strange aliens would claim her as a pawn in their ancient conflict. The next issue was a spotlight on Dorothy, as she confronted the mysteries of puberty complicated by her imaginary friends coming to life. Then, issues 26 through 29 introduced the unforgettable Mister Nobody and the Brotherhood of Dada.

Mister Nobody was the most forgotten and forgettable member of the original Brotherhood of Evil. You probably won’t remember boring old Mister Morden, the man who piloted the giant red robot ‘ROG” in one of the Brotherhood’s earliest appearances, but after he failed, he fled the Brain and Monsieur Mallah, and took refuge in Paraguay. There he underwent mad science procedures meant to give him mind-control abilities, but that instead changed his body into an abstract, shadow-like form and drove him mad. Mr. Nobody then recruited the first Brotherhood of Dada: Sleepwalk, who has super strength only when asleep; Fog, composed of the quarreling spirits of those whom he has absorbed into his misty form; Frenzy, a Jamaican man who can transform into a cyclone; and the Quiz, a germ phobic Japanese woman with every super-power you've never thought of.

The brotherhood of Dada make their Paris debut. From Doom Patrol #27

The Brotherhood devotes itself to irrationality above all, and steals a psychoactive painting, which they use to absorb the city of Paris, France. The Doom Patrol investigates, and battles the Brotherhood inside the painting, tracking them to layers that represent Surrealism, Photo-realism, and Impressionism. The two teams then have to join forces when the Brotherhood accidentally unleashes the fifth Horseman of the Apocalypse from the painting. Jane is mentally traumatized by the ordeal, and retreats into her own mind.

Issue #30, “Going Underground” was a critical story in the development of Crazy Jane, and explained the mechanics of her Multiple Personality Disorder. Her sixty four personalities live in the “underground” of her brain, connected by a complex map of tunnels and navigated by a personality named Driver 8. After the previous arc, Cliff volunteered to get her back, leaving his robot body and joining her inside her mind. The internal battle leads to a showdown with Jane’s “father” a monstrous manifestation of one of her personae. Jane defeats Father when he attacks Cliff, and begins a journey of healing that would continue in future stories.

The next year saw a barrage of increasingly bizarre threats and imagery, as the Doom Patrol battled the Cult of the Unwritten Book, the Men from N.O.W.H.E.R.E., the hidden threat under the Pentagon, and a pair of dueling alien races that abduct Rhea and whose conflict defies easy explanation even within the story. As with the rest of Morrison’s run, the team found itself defending the strange against the forces of conformity, and defending reality against entropy itself. The space adventure was a mad twist on standard comics space opera, and space was presented as a run-down, dusty place, with with twisted, bony aliens and jagged cobwebbed spires replacing the usual bug-eyed monsters and shiny tech. New supporting cast were introduced as well: Flex Mentallo, a forgotten crime fighter, about whom I’ve already written, Willoughby Kipling, a low-rent John Constantine who manages to be even more drunken, obnoxious, and cowardly than the original Helllblazer, and Danny the Street, a sentient transvestite street that would soon become the Doom Patrol’s new headquarters and de facto teammate.

The Brotherhood of Dada made their return in issues 49-52, in a strange case of role-reversal. Mister Nobody escaped from the remains of the painting he had been trapped in, and gathered a new team: Agent "!" (He comes as no surprise), The Love Glove, Alias the Blur, Number None, and the Toy. Riding a psychedelic school bus powered by the bicycle of Albert Hoffman across the country, the new Brotherhood went from town to town tripping everyone out. as Mister Nobody ran for President. This time, when Cliff wanted to go after them, Jane and Rebis declined, deciding that they were harmless. The story became a sort of Christ parable, in which Mister Nobody was the sacrificial figure, and the Doom Patrol, as well as the US government were the oppressors.

Issues 53 and 54 make for an interesting contrast, in that 53 is the most “normal issue to date, featuring a dream sequence in which the Doom Patrol is a Kirby-esque superhero team. Issue 54, by contrast may be the weirdest issue of all, featuring the baffling “Aenigma Regis”, or rebirth of Rebis.

Issues 55 through 63 complete Morrison and Case’s run on the book in a shocking and climactic way. It’s impossible to say too much without spoiling an excellent tale, but after the concentrated weirdness and almost mannered non-action of the earlier issues, the action kicks into high gear, and no one is spared. An ultimate, unstoppable threat decimates the Doom Patrol. Dark secrets are revealed that reach back to the earliest days of the Doom Patrol, shocking Cliff to his core. Jane leaves the team to confront her abusive father in Metropolis, and in the end, finds resolution. Finally, a happy ending is achieved for nearly all of our cast. With this story, Morrison and Case wrapped up their run on the Doom Patrol with a bang, and in the process, gave us some of the Best Comics Ever.

Broken Arrow

2010-03-15T10:46:00.001-06:00

I spent some time this weekend catching up on recent Green Arrow events, after hearing all the uproar over the conclusion of Justice League: Cry for Justice.I hadn’t been buying the series, but I did pick up issue #7, to see if it was in fact the Worst Comic Ever, as I had been led to believe. After I read it, I came to the conclusion that it was merely another fairly bad comic; late, rushed, and with an editorially mandated ending. I was stunned by the death of Lian Harper, but only because I was sure that the Teen Titans misery machine had already chewed her up by now.I was amazed to see that she had been a Titans supporting character for something like a decade without being eaten by Wonder Dog or ripped apart by Trigon yet. Hell, “just” having a building dropped on her is relatively merciful, in Titans terms.

So now, Green Arrow has gone off the rails and turned killer. The Justice League: Rise and Fall Special released last week shows Black Canary, Green Lantern, and the Flash dealing with the aftermath of Green Arrow’s murder of Prometheus, and future chapters will follow suit. That’s all good and well, but that got me remembering that Green Arrow racked up quite a body count during his “Longbow Hunters” phase, and nobody seemed to mind back then.

When Mike Grell reinvented Green Arrow in Green Arrow: The Longbow Hunters, he relocated GA and Black canary to Seattle, and shed all of the fantastic trappings of the series, recasting Green Arrow as an urban Hunter completely removed from the superhero world. For a few years, the series was designated “mature readers”, and Green Arrow eschewed his gimmick arrows for lethal force. He basically disappeared from the DC Universe during this time, and when he did interact with others, his ethics weren’t discussed. Of course, this was in the badass 90’s when every other “hero” was a killer, so perhaps Green Arrow’s extreme methods didn’t seem that out of line.

As that iteration of the series aged, however, DC saw a need to bring him back into the main universe, and when Grell left the writing duties, the next writers began steering Ollie back to superheroics. The plot saw him grow weary of killing and violence, and he sought peace at a monastery, where he met his lost son, Connor Hawke. He eventually returned to the DCU with Connor at his side, and the two worked together for a time until Ollie’s death, when he tried to infiltrate a group of eco-terrorists, was locked to a bomb, and died in the explosion.

But death is never permanent in comics, and when Kevin Smith revived Green Arrow a few years later, he contrived to have Hal Jordan revive Ollie during his time as the cosmically-powered, morally-confused Parallax, and Green Arrow was given a new lease on life. He began a new set of adventures with a new, younger body, and went on to rejoin the Justice League and marry Black Canary. Death, time, and the cosmic reset all served to muddy the waters of Green Arrow’s murderous past, and again, none of his superhero colleagues mentioned anything about his killings. You would think Batman in particular would have an issue with this, but the Dark Knight said nothing (that I know of).

Of course, “The Fall of Green Arrow” just began, so for all I know, the next chapter may deal with all of these issues in depth. It may turn out that he kept his history in Seattle a secret somehow, or had Hal mindwipe everyone, or who knows what. Finally, a bit of speculation: when Green Lantern and Flash brought Prometheus’ body back, his helmet was missing. Then in a bid for escape, Green Arrow grabbed his key and disappeared. If he does have to go on the run, it seems like Prometheus has a bigger bag of tricks to draw from than Green Arrow. Could Oliver Queen become the new Prometheus?

The Bearded Gentlemen's Club of Metropolis

2010-03-10T09:40:00.008-07:00

The Bearded Gentlemen's Club of Metropolis: an exclusive, non-profit fraternal organization dedicated to the cultivation, appreciation, and promotion of the noble beard!

Also referred to as the Beard Band, the club first appeared in Superman's Pal: Jimmy Olsen #23. When cub reporter Jimmy tried to infiltrate the secretive society by attending a meeting with a fake beard, he was foiled at the door by a doorman who vetted would be attendees by tugging on their beards. Leaving, he was stopped by a stranger who offered him a vial of hair growth tonic, guaranteed to grow a beard instantly. Being Jimmy, he quaffed the formula without hesitation, and sure enough, grew a beard! He then gained entry to the secret hirsute world of the Bearded Gentlemen's Club of Metropolis:

And so, tasked with evangelizing the mighty beard, Jimmy failed miserably, to no one's surprise. He attended one public event after another, and various crazy mishaps forced him to cut off his beard each time. When he returned, the Beard band was so enraged, they decided to implement "Operation Whiskers", a secret plot to dump beard tonic into the Metropolis water supply! Then, the Club reasoned, all men would be forced to love the beard, and mass beard appreciation would result. Unfortunately, that meddling Superman showed up before the dream could be realized.

But that would not be the end of this noble organization. Beaten but unbowed, they continued on, and were next seen in Doom Patrol # 45.

After a stinging rebuke by the so-called "genius" Niles Caulder, the Beard Band decided to avenge their honor by enlisting another outsider to destroy the reclusive Doom Patrol leader. It is said that "the enemy of my enemy is my friend", and with this in mind, they enlisted Ernest Franklin, the so-called "Beard hunter" to eliminate Caulder:

While the wily Caulder managed to kill the Beard Hunter, the Bearded Gentlemen's Club of Metropolis can at least rest easy knowing that the beard-hunting psychopath won't be returning to hunt them. While we haven't seen them recently, I like to assume that the Bearded Gentlemen's Club of Metropolis is still alive and well and preaching the beard gospel to this day.

Full disclosure: the author of this blog sports a dashing, regal beard!

A Little Ultimate MODOK, Anyone?

2010-03-07T20:26:00.004-07:00

I don't follow the Ultimate universe in general, but I'm still perversely interested in the Ultimate versions of my favorite characters. The Ultimate Universe has been going on for over ten years, and at long last, we finally got a glimpse of Ultimate MODOK in Ultimate Armor Wars #2:

The old guy was Ultimate Doctor Faustus, and apparently, he has a li'l bitty MODOK living in his noggin. Ultimate George Tarleton was last seen as a severed head running around on spider legs, so Faustus must be his conveyance of choice now. Faustus makes it sound like a mad science accident though, so who knows? Unfortunately, that was all we saw of Ultimate MODOK, as the rest of the story moved on to other villains and locales. Look for Ultimate MODOK, coming to "Dancing With The Stars" soon!

Five Profoundly Disturbing Hostess Ads

2010-03-02T22:06:00.007-07:00

Hostess Snack cake ads. A beloved relic of comics ephemera from yesteryear. Goofy, innocent and completely harmless, right? WRONG. For they were written by men, and within all men lurks madness. Bite into a cream-filled treat...of despair, as you learn the truth about these truly, Profoundly, Disturbing Hostess Ads!

Iron Man looks into the abyss, and Twinkies look back.

Existential despair blankets the city, as Kwirkegard poisons the water with the truth: that existence is pointless, life is meaningless, and that all mankind's struggles mean nothing. What's the point of even finishing this paragraph? Is it supposed to be "funny"? Hah. Foolishness for fools. Nothing can fill the emptiness...within.

Nothing but golden sponge cake and creamed filling, that is! Life may be a hollow, empty sham, but at least you get a big delight in every bite of Hostess Twinkie Cakes!

There's nothing depressing per se about this Wonder Woman ad, except the depressing certainty that, like all vintage Wonder Woman comics, it will be absolutely crazy-ape bonkers. Originally seen in 1977, this ham-handed homage to the then-36-year-old film The Maltese Falcon was largely lost on the kids of the day. It reads like the writer had the script for a rejected Falcon spoof in his drawer that he hastily reworked into a Wonder Woman cupcake ad at 12:30 AM one bleary, deadline-driven night. Given the rambling, recklessly punctuated dialog, it's entirely possible that said writer might well have been coked out of his fucking gourd, too. Anyway, I find the whole thing strange, seedy, and damned disturbing.

Hostess Cupcakes: Even better than rape!

Speaking of rape, I'm not sure what these nasty little green men mean by "uplift", but I almost hope they only want to eat these two humans, and not, er, "sample" their Earthly Delights. Whatever their sick intentions, the ever-lovin' Blue-eyed Thing shows up to placate them with fruit pies, an event that happens on a nigh-daily basis in Hostess world, but never with implied human-eating or "delights". Until now.

Finally, the Hulk vs the Roller Disco Devils, or more accurately slaughters the Roller Disco Devils. The entirely human Devils are apparently beyond the control of any civil authority with their roller skating and Disco listening-to, and it falls to the Hulk to restore the children's access to the Hostess Fruit Pies the only way he knows how: by brutally murdering eight human beings in the most gruesome manner possible. New digital technology allows us to zero in on old comic book panels to see heretofore unrevealed details in the art. Lets zoom in on panel four to see what Hulk is really doing:

Good Lord...>choke<

That's profoundly disturbing.

Frank Miller, Spider-Man, and Twinkies

2010-03-01T09:34:00.000-07:00

I went looking for Hostess Ads online this weekend, and look what I came across: a lost early work by none other than Hollywood glamor-boy Frank Miller himself! I've seen a lot of the Hostess ads in my day, but I've never seen this one before. Turns out it was one of a few Marvel Hostess ads that got farmed out to Gold Key comics, and was printed in an issue of "Chip N' Dale" of all things. The Hostess ads were produced under contract by the Marvel bullpen, and this one is dated 1979, so it's likely that young Frank was pressed into service one day when he came in to drop off Daredevil pages. The Demolition Derby seems like a goofier, genteel version of Miller's Bullseye, hurling his hat with destructive precision before being taken down by the delights of golden sponge cake and creamed filling. Maybe Elektra should've just tried tossing some Fruit Pies at Bullseye, hm?

Ad found at Seanbaby's Hostess Page.